Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local WalMart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.

‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.’ he replies.

‘Put them back, we can’t afford them.’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.

‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts:

‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.

‘On the PA system:

‘Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.’

Two men are working on a telephone pole.

A little old lady walks by and one of the men yeII to her,

“Hey lady, can you move that wire off the sidewalk for us!”

She picks it up and moves it from the sidewalk.

The second electrician says,

“I told you it wasn’t live.”

A man and his wife went three days without talking after having an argument.

On an occasion, the man remembered that the next day he would have an early meeting in office.

As he needed to get up early, he decided to ask his wife to wake him up.

But he did not want to be a person who began the first conversation, so he wrote on a paper:

-“You wake me up at 6 in the morning.”

When he got up in the morning, he looked at the clock and realized that it was 9 o’clock.

He was so angry and shouted:

-“What’s wrong with you! What were you thinking? You are inconsiderate, you did not do what I asked you to do.”

His wife did not say anything and looked at the table a paper on which was written the following:

“It’s six o’clock, get up!”

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! What the

hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband

“Because he’s thinking to get married.”

It was a practical session in the psychology class.

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

Then, one of the students from the back rows said:

“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat?This one may be his wife!”

The professor stood straight up his finger pointing towards the student and said

“You are a Damn Genius”