Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young woman is invited to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for Christmas dinner. It’s a big step in their relationship  this will be her very first time meeting his entire family. She wants everything to be perfect. She carefully picks out her outfit, practices polite conversation in her head, and reminds herself to make a good impression.

When they arrive, the house is warm and beautifully decorated. The tree is glowing, Christmas music is playing softly in the background, and delicious smells are drifting from the kitchen. Despite the cosy atmosphere, her nerves are in full force.

Soon, everyone gathers around the dining table for an impressive feast  roast turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and a particularly generous serving of broccoli casserole. She loads her plate, trying to appear relaxed and cheerful, even though her stomach has started doing small, worrying flips.

As dinner goes on, her nervousness combined with that broccoli casserole  begins to take its toll. A sharp gas pain builds in her stomach. She tries shifting slightly in her chair. She coughs lightly. She sips water. But the pressure keeps building, and her eyes are starting to water.

Finally, seeing no other option and hoping it will be subtle, she gently leans to one side and releases the tiniest, most delicate puff of air.

Poof.

It wasn’t thunderous… but in the quiet pause between conversations, everyone definitely heard it.

Her heart stops.

Before she can turn red or stammer out an apology, her boyfriend’s father slowly looks down at the dog sleeping under her chair and says in a firm voice, “Skippy!”

The dog lazily lifts his head.

She blinks — then realises what just happened. He blamed the dog.

A wave of relief washes over her. She forces herself not to laugh. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

A few minutes later, another cramp grips her stomach — stronger this time. She clenches her jaw. She tries to hold it. But it’s coming, and there’s no stopping it.

This time she doesn’t even attempt subtlety.

Rrrrrip.

Longer. Louder. Absolutely unmistakable.

Conversation stops again.

Without missing a beat, the father glares down at the dog and snaps, “Skippy!”

The woman can barely contain her smile now. This is unbelievable. Twice and she’s gotten away with it. She begins to relax, feeling oddly triumphant.

But fate isn’t done with her yet.

Moments later, a third and far more powerful rumble begins. It’s monumental. Catastrophic. The kind of pressure that makes you reconsider your life choices.

She doesn’t think. She doesn’t brace. She just lets it go.

The sound that erupts could rival a train whistle echoing through a tunnel.

There is no pretending that didn’t happen.

The room falls into stunned silence.

The father jerks his head toward the dog once more — but this time his expression changes from irritation to alarm.

“Skippy!” he shouts. “Get away from her before she craps on you!”

And with that, any hope of dignity she had left evaporates completely.

A woman phones the police late one evening to report that her husband has gone missing. Officers are dispatched to her home to take a statement and gather details.

When they arrive, one of the officers asks her to provide a physical description so they can put out an alert.

Without hesitation, she says,
“He’s about six foot two, with thick, blonde, wavy hair. He has bright eyes and a warm, charming smile that makes everyone instantly like him. He’s very handsome and has a presence that really stands out in a crowd.”

The officers jot everything down, thank her, and decide to check with the next-door neighbour to confirm the information.

When they knock on the neighbour’s door and explain the situation, the neighbour looks confused and then starts laughing.

“You can’t believe a word of that,” she says.
“That man is barely five foot four. He’s completely bald, has a permanent scowl on his face, and looks like he hasn’t smiled in years. If you’re looking for someone charming and handsome, you’re definitely not describing him.”

Later, the neighbour runs into the woman who made the report and asks her,
“Why on earth did you give the police such a completely false description of your husband?”

The woman shrugs and replies sweetly,
“Well, just because I reported him missing… doesn’t mean I actually want him back!”