Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor.

As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.

They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.

The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father.

The wife says, “Oh, that’s actually better.”

The husband says he can’t feel anything.

Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much.

The husband says he sill can’t feel anything.

The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%.

The husband still can’t feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her.

The baby is born.

The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.

Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting.

They each have a boomstickwith 2 bullets.

They make a fire.

Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting.

She comes back with 2 rabbits.

The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?”

She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped.”

Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer.

The other two say, “Wow, Where did you get that?”

She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped.”

The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue.

They others say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn’t stop.”

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather’s farm.

The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister.

He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken.

The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear.

Then the older brother heard his little sister scream.

He ran inside immediately.

She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken.

“What is it?” he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said,” It- it’s- IT’S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!”

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door.

They ask, “Who is it?” “Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see.

What could it hurt?” They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it.

The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long.

The other boy went over to the bush and looked.

The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream.

All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”