Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Tom had a serious problem: he simply couldn’t wake up on time in the morning. No matter how many alarms he set or how early he went to bed, he always managed to oversleep. As a result, he was constantly arriving late for work.

Day after day his boss watched him stroll in well after everyone else had already started their shift. At first the boss tried to be understanding, giving Tom warnings and reminding him how important punctuality was. But after weeks of the same excuse, the boss finally lost his patience.

One morning, when Tom arrived late yet again, the boss called him into the office.

“Tom,” he said sternly, “this has got to stop. If you’re late one more time, I’m going to have to let you go. Do something about this problem.”

Concerned about losing his job, Tom decided to take the boss’s warning seriously. That very afternoon he made an appointment with his doctor and explained his situation.

“Doctor,” Tom said, “I just can’t wake up in the morning. No matter what I try, I always oversleep and end up late for work. My boss says I’ll be fired if it happens again.”

The doctor thought for a moment, then handed Tom a small pill.

“Take this right before you go to bed tonight,” the doctor said. “It should help you wake up refreshed and right on time.”

Tom followed the instructions exactly. That night he took the pill before going to sleep. He slept deeply and peacefully, and for the first time in ages he woke up feeling completely rested.

In fact, he woke up even before his alarm clock went off.

Delighted, Tom got out of bed, took his time getting ready, and even enjoyed a nice leisurely breakfast. Feeling cheerful and confident, he drove to work and arrived bright and early.

Proud of his success, he walked straight into his boss’s office.

“Boss,” Tom said with a big smile, “that pill the doctor gave me really worked! I woke up early, felt great, and got here right on time.”

The boss looked at him calmly and nodded.

“Well,” the boss said, “that’s all fine and good… but where were you yesterday?”

One day a blonde woman became completely fed up with all the jokes people constantly made about blondes being unintelligent. Everywhere she went she seemed to hear someone making fun of blondes, and she finally decided she had had enough. Determined to prove once and for all that blondes were perfectly capable and intelligent, she decided she would surprise her husband by doing something productive and impressive around the house.

After thinking about it for a while, she settled on the idea of repainting a couple of the rooms in their home. She figured that when her husband came home and saw the freshly painted walls, he would realize that blondes were just as smart and capable as anyone else.

The next morning, as soon as her husband left for work, she gathered all the supplies she needed. She bought paint, brushes, rollers, trays, and drop cloths. Feeling proud of herself and very determined, she got started right away.

Several hours later, when her husband returned home from work, he noticed something unusual the moment he walked through the front door. The strong, unmistakable smell of fresh paint filled the air. Curious, he followed the smell into the living room to see what was going on.

When he stepped inside, he was surprised to find his wife lying flat on the floor. She was completely exhausted and sweating heavily, as if she had been working extremely hard all day.

But what confused him even more was what she was wearing. Despite the warm weather, she had on a thick winter parka and a heavy leather jacket at the same time.

Concerned, he rushed over and asked, “Are you okay?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, I’m fine. Just taking a little break.”

He looked around at the painting supplies and then asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

With a proud smile she replied, “I wanted to prove to you that blondes aren’t dumb. So while you were at work, I decided to paint the house all by myself.”

Her husband nodded slowly, still puzzled. Then he asked, “Okay… but why are you wearing a parka over a leather jacket?”

She replied very confidently, “Because I read the instructions on the paint can very carefully.”

“And?” he asked.

She said, “It clearly says… ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.’”

A man dining in a busy restaurant seemed impossible to please. From the moment he sat down, he kept calling the waiter over with new complaints.

First he waved the waiter down and said, “It’s far too warm in here. Could you please turn the air conditioning up?”

The waiter nodded politely. “Of course, sir,” he replied, and walked away as if heading to adjust it.

A few minutes later the man called him back again. “Now it’s too cold! Could you turn the air conditioning down a bit?”

“Certainly, sir,” the waiter answered calmly, once again walking away as if to make the adjustment.

Not long after, the man summoned the waiter yet again. “Actually, it’s getting warm again. Could you turn it up?”

For the next half hour this went on and on. The customer repeatedly complained about the temperature—too hot, too cold, too stuffy, too chilly. Each time, the waiter politely nodded, walked toward the back of the restaurant, and returned without the slightest hint of frustration.

Other diners began to notice the situation. One customer at a nearby table watched the entire exchange with growing curiosity. Finally, unable to contain himself any longer, he called the waiter over.

“I have to ask,” the second customer said quietly. “Why don’t you just throw that guy out? He’s been bothering you about the air conditioning for the last thirty minutes!”

The waiter simply smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and replied in a relaxed tone:

“Oh, I don’t mind at all.”

He leaned a little closer and added with a grin,

“We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

A blonde who wanted to earn a little extra money decided she would offer her services as a handyman. She figured there were plenty of small jobs people didn’t want to do themselves, so she made a simple plan: walk around a wealthy neighborhood, knock on doors, and ask homeowners if they needed help with anything.

At the very first house, she knocked on the front door. A well-dressed man answered, and she politely asked, “Hello, sir. I’m offering handyman services today. Do you have any small jobs that need to be done around the house?”

The man thought for a moment and then said, “Well, actually you could paint my porch. How much would you charge for something like that?”

The blonde considered it briefly and replied confidently, “How about fifty dollars?”

The man smiled and agreed to the price right away. “Sounds fair to me,” he said. “You’ll find the paint and the ladders you might need in the garage.”

The blonde nodded and got right to work.

Inside the house, the man’s wife had overheard the conversation through the open window. She looked at her husband with a puzzled expression and said, “Are you sure she understands what she’s agreed to? Does she realize the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The husband shrugged casually and replied, “She should know. After all, she was standing on the porch when we talked.”

About half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. The man opened it and found the blonde standing there with a satisfied smile on her face.

“Finished already?” he asked in surprise.

“Yes,” she said proudly. “All done! And I even had some paint left over, so I gave it two coats to make sure it looked really nice.”

The man was impressed by how quickly she had completed the job. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet and handed her the fifty dollars they had agreed on.

As she accepted the money, the blonde added with a helpful smile, “Oh, and by the way… that’s not a porch.”

The man looked confused. “It isn’t?”

“No,” she said cheerfully. “It’s a Ferrari.”

One cold winter morning in Detroit, Michigan, a husband and wife were sitting at their kitchen table enjoying breakfast while listening to the local radio station. Outside, the sky looked gray and heavy, the kind of sky that usually meant snow was on the way. As they sipped their coffee and ate their toast, the radio announcer interrupted the music with an important weather update.

“Attention listeners,” the announcer said. “We are expecting between 8 and 10 inches of snow today. To help the snowplows clear the streets more efficiently, please park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street.”

The wife, who always tried to follow the rules and do the responsible thing, immediately finished her coffee, grabbed her coat, and went outside into the chilly air. She moved the car from the driveway and carefully parked it on the even-numbered side of the street just as instructed.

A week later, the couple found themselves in the exact same routine. It was another cold morning, and they were again sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast while the radio played softly in the background. Soon enough, the announcer returned with another weather alert.

“Good morning, Detroit,” the voice said. “We are expecting another major snowfall today—between 10 and 12 inches. To allow the snowplows to pass through easily, please make sure your vehicles are parked on the odd-numbered side of the street.”

The wife nodded seriously as she listened. Not wanting to cause any problems for the snowplows, she once again bundled up, stepped outside, and moved the car—this time parking it carefully on the odd-numbered side of the street.

The following week, the couple was once again sitting at the table enjoying breakfast, just like they had done the previous two weeks. Right on schedule, the radio announcer began another weather report.

“Today we are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow,” the announcer began. “So please park your vehicles on the—”

Suddenly, the lights flickered and the power went out. The radio went silent mid-sentence.

The wife stared at the now-quiet radio with a worried expression. She looked completely puzzled and began to panic slightly.

Turning to her husband, she said anxiously, “Honey, I don’t know what to do! The radio didn’t finish the announcement. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

The husband looked at her calmly, speaking with the gentle patience and understanding that many husbands develop over the years.

“Well,” he said thoughtfully, “why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”