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05/18/2024 from DailyJokes
#18407

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.

The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?”

“Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”

“Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

Funny +32
05/17/2024 from DailyJokes
#18404

It was their first quarrel.

Johnny was coming off worst until he brought his bride’s family into the argument.

“Your father is an old drunkard,” he stated with venom.

“Your mother is a nagger, and your brother is an idle Iayabout”

“Can’t you say one decent thing about my family?” she asked, sarcastically.

Johnny replied: “Yes, just one! They were all opposed to our marriage.”

Funny +16
-32 Not Funny
05/16/2024 from DailyJokes
#18401

At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.

The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby.

She started slowly walking toward the pastor.

Everything quickly turned to chaos.

The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.

The groom’s mother fainted.

The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.

The priest asked the woman,

“Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”

The woman replied,

“I can’t hear anything from the back….so am moving to the front seats.”

Funny +58
-18 Not Funny
05/15/2024 from DailyJokes
#18397

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know,” she wailed.

“I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, ‘Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.’ “

“Well,” the pastor persisted,

“You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’ “

“I did,” replied his wife,

“but then he said ‘It looks great from back here, too!’

Funny +71
-11 Not Funny
05/14/2024 from DailyJokes
#18394

An old man of about 70 years age went to the Bank to give his life certificate.

The young cute lady was very nice and polite.

She thanked him and said “OK Sir”.

He asked her “Do you think that I am alive?”

She was shocked. She looked at him and he smiled.

He said

“Miss, you did not check my pulse, you did not check my heartbeat, you neither checked my eyes’ reaction for mental activity. So how did you conclude that I

am still alive?”

She smiled mischievously, looked at him and said

“Sir, if you think you are not alive, please bring your DEATH CERTIFICATE”.

They both laughed heartily.

Nice flirtation at 70!!!.

Funny +17
-46 Not Funny
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