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12/07/2022 from DailyJokes
#16674

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger, Again he is ready for more ‘action’.

Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it – Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’.

And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.

I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once.

You are truly a great lover, Roger.’

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says:

‘You mean I was here already?’

12/06/2022 from DailyJokes
#16672

An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.

“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.

“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.

“No food agrees with me,” said the man.

“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor.

“The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”

“My back is giving me trouble,” persisted the man.

“Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”

“Old age,” said the doctor.

This was too much for the man.

“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age,” he screamed.

“If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”

“See how easily you lost your temper,” said the doctor.

“That is another characteristic of old age.”

At last, the old man slaps him, and the doctor asks,

“Why did you slap me?”

The old man said

“This is also due to old age, you see”

Funny +24
-74 Not Funny
12/05/2022 from DailyJokes
#16668

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe:

He spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes.

One day, the Chief’s wife gives birth to a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock.

The chief pulls the professor aside and says.

“Look, you’re the only white man we’ve ever seen around here, and this woman just gave birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The professor replied.

“No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, then said.

“Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

Funny +93
-22 Not Funny
12/04/2022 from DailyJokes
#16665

 

Grandpa Joe was being taken by his grandchildren to his new nursing home.

They took him in on his wheelchair.

A young nurse met them.

“Welcome to our nursing home Let me show you around”

She said in a friendly tone as she took the wheelchair.

She wheeled him into a large room full of sofas, with a big TV screen.

“This is the lounge. You can relax and-“

Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side.

The dutiful nurse quickly caught hold of him and gently sat him up.

Then she wheeled him to a room with tables and chairs, where some elderly residents were enjoying lunch.

“This is the dining room. The food is really -“

Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side. Unfazed, the nurse caught hold of him and sat him up.

Finally, she wheeled him over to a small room with a comfortable-looking bed.

“This is where you’ll be sleeping. There is an en-suite bath-“

Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped over to one side.

The nurse patiently caught hold of him and once again sat him up.

After the tour, the grandchildren rushed over to Joe.

“What do you think? Isn’t it lovely? That nurse seems sweet?”

Grandpa Joe looked grumpy.

“Well the place seems alright and the staff are nice. But why the hell won’t they let me fart in peace?”

Funny +67
-46 Not Funny
12/03/2022 from DailyJokes
#16663

A third-grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher’s pet. He stood and said,

“My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.”

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating,

“My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby…if I can, and I think I can.”

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room.

He stood up and said,

“My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a damm about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think can”

Funny +75
-20 Not Funny
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