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04/23/2019 from DailyJokes
#12658

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long … easy, boy.”

Another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says to the elderly man, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandpa, “but I’m William. The little shit’s name is Kevin!”

Funny +102
04/22/2019 from DailyJokes
#12653
The Winery en Espanol

 

A Californian winery managed to create a new type of wine by crossing Pinot Blanc with Pinot Grigot.

As a side effect, it reduces the number of times people need to get up to pee during the night.

It is being marketed in retirement homes around the world as Pinot More!

Funny +55
-59 Not Funny
04/21/2019 from DailyJokes
#12648
The Easter Jokes en Espanol

These 10 Easter jokes are perfect for sharing with friends and family over a cup of tea and a plate of hot cross buns. Just be sure to swallow before the punchline.

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.

Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot!

Q. How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken!

Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!

Q. What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A. A receding hareline.

Q. What day does an egg hate the most?
A. Fry-days.

Q. Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like back stroke.

Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggsercise

Funny +34
-67 Not Funny
04/20/2019 from DailyJokes
#12644

A senior citizen was chatting with his 80-year-old buddy.

“So I hear you’re getting married?”

“Yep!”

“Do I know her?”

“Nope!”

“This woman, is she good looking?”

“Not really.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“Nah, she can’t cook too well.”

“Does she have lots of money?”

“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”

“Well, then, is she good in bed?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”

“Because she can still drive!”

Funny +79
-19 Not Funny
04/19/2019 from DailyJokes
#12641

Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered by Medicare

FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

Funny +85
-30 Not Funny
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