02/18/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21818
A married man enters the confessional and quietly tells the priest, “Father, I need to confess… I was unfaithful to my wife. Well… almost unfaithful.”
The priest leans closer and asks, “Almost? What exactly does that mean, my son?”
The man sighs and replies, “We got carried away. We took off our clothes and… well… we rubbed together for a while. But before things went any further, I stopped myself.”
The priest shakes his head and says firmly, “My son, rubbing together is the same as doing the act itself in the eyes of sin. You must not see that woman again. As penance, say five Hail Marys and place fifty dollars in the poor box before you leave.”
The man agrees, leaves the confessional, and dutifully kneels to say his prayers. When he finishes, he walks over to the poor box. He stands there for a moment, thinking carefully, then quietly turns and begins heading for the door.
The priest, who has been watching from a distance, rushes over and calls out, “Excuse me! I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
The man looks back calmly and says, “Father, I rubbed up against it… and like you said, that’s the same as putting it in.”
02/17/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21814
A man becomes convinced that his wife is having an affair. The suspicion eats away at him day and night until he finally decides he’s going to catch her in the act. One afternoon he leaves work early, his mind racing with worst-case scenarios the entire drive home.
When he bursts through the front door, there she is — standing in a bathrobe, hair messy, cheeks flushed like she’s just rushed to cover something up.
“Where is he?!” the husband shouts, eyes wide and wild. “Where’s the guy you’ve been sneaking around with?!”
His wife blinks, confused and offended. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she insists.
But he’s beyond listening. Fueled by jealousy and adrenaline, he storms through the house like a detective in a crime movie — throwing open closets, checking under beds, yanking shower curtains aside, even peeking behind doors that obviously couldn’t hide a person. Every room becomes a crime scene in his imagination.
Finally, he charges upstairs into the kitchen. He pauses for a moment to catch his breath and looks out the window… and suddenly freezes. Parked on the street below is a man calmly sitting inside a little Volkswagen.
The husband’s eyes narrow. “Aha!” he growls. “That must be him. That’s the guy who’s been sleeping with my wife!”
Overcome with blind rage, he grabs the heaviest thing he can find — the refrigerator. With a superhuman burst of jealous strength, he drags it across the floor, heaves it up, and shoves it straight out the window toward the unsuspecting man below.
The effort is too much. The man clutches his chest, suffers a massive heart attack… and dies on the spot.
Moments later, he finds himself standing at the gates of Heaven, face to face with St. Peter.
St. Peter looks at him calmly and asks, “So… what are you doing here?”
The man sighs dramatically. “Well, I was sure my wife was cheating on me. I came home early from work, saw the guy sitting in his Volkswagen outside, threw a refrigerator at him… and then I had a heart attack and died.”
St. Peter frowns. “Hmm… you really don’t belong here.” He pulls a large lever beside the gate. A trapdoor opens beneath the man’s feet and he drops out of sight.
A few minutes later, another man arrives at the gates of Heaven, looking stunned and confused.
St. Peter asks, “And what are you doing here?”
The second man shrugs helplessly. “Honestly, I have no idea! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when suddenly a refrigerator fell out of the sky and crushed me!”
St. Peter sighs and shakes his head. “Yes… I heard about you.” He pulls the lever again. The trapdoor opens, and the man disappears.
A few minutes later, a third man appears at the gates.
St. Peter asks, “Alright… and what are you doing here?”
The third man scratches his head and says, “I don’t know! I was just sitting inside a refrigerator, minding my own business…”
02/16/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21809
Billy Bob and Luther were sitting on the porch one lazy afternoon, passing the time and chatting about life, when Billy Bob suddenly sighed and said, “You know, Luther, I think I’m about due for another vacation. But this year, I’ve decided I’m gonna do things a little differently. The last few years, I followed your advice on where to go every time.”
He leaned back in his chair and started counting on his fingers. “Three years ago, you told me I oughta go to Hawaii. Sounded perfect, so I went. Sure enough, while I was gone, Earline ended up pregnant.”
He shook his head and continued. “Then two years ago, you said the Bahamas was the place to be. So off I went to the Bahamas. And wouldn’t you know it… Earline got pregnant again.”
Billy Bob chuckled and added, “Last year, you recommended Tahiti. I figured third time’s the charm, right? But nope. Darned if Earline didn’t end up pregnant again while I was away.”
Luther laughed and asked, “Well, Billy Bob, what are you planning to do differently this year?”
Billy Bob grinned and said, “This year, I’m taking Earline with me.”
02/15/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21806
A retired gentleman decided it was finally time to visit the Social Security office and apply for his benefits. After waiting patiently in line, he stepped up to the counter where a friendly clerk greeted him and began processing his application.
As part of the verification process, the woman behind the counter asked if he could show his driver’s license to confirm his age. The man reached into his pockets confidently, only to freeze mid-search. He checked one pocket, then the other, then his jacket. His expression slowly changed from calm to embarrassed.
“Oh dear,” he sighed. “I’m terribly sorry. It looks like I left my wallet at home. I guess I’ll have to go back and return another time.”
The clerk studied him for a moment, then leaned forward and said, “Sir, could you please unbutton your shirt?”
A bit confused but willing to cooperate, the man unbuttoned his shirt and revealed a chest covered in thick, curly silver hair. The clerk smiled warmly and said, “That silver hair is proof enough for me,” and she proceeded to finalize and approve his Social Security application right then and there.
The man left the office thrilled with how smoothly everything had turned out. When he got home, he excitedly told his wife the whole story, proudly explaining how his application had been approved without even needing his ID.
His wife listened carefully, shook her head, and said, “Well, if you had dropped your pants too, you might have qualified for disability as well.”
02/14/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21803
A police officer pulls a car over and strolls up to the driver’s window.
“Do you know why I stopped you?” he asks.
The driver shrugs. “No idea, officer. I was just out enjoying the breeze and minding my own business.”
“You rolled right through that stop sign back there.”
“I did not!” the man protests. “I slowed down. A lot. Practically in spirit, I stopped.”
The officer raises an eyebrow. “Sir, the sign says stop. Not ‘consider your options.’”
The driver folds his arms. “Stop, slow down… tomato, tomahto. What’s the big difference?”
Without a word, the officer calmly pulls out his baton and taps it against his palm.
“Tell you what,” he says. “I’m going to start hitting you with this baton. You let me know if you’d prefer I stop… or just slow down.”