Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee…

“What’s the matter, dear?”, she whispers as she steps into the room.

The husband looks up from his coffee,

“I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?”, he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

“Yes, I do”, she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?”

‘Yes, I remember”, says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

“Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?””

‘I remember that also”, she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

“I would have been released today if only I took the right decision!”

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could Barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself

“I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and The light was red again.

Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.

So, she turned to the other woman and said,

“Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said,

“Oh Cr@@@@p, Am I Driving?”

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,

‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’

She says, ‘I was in bed.’

‘In bed this early, doing what?’

‘Getting a second opinion!’

Three mischievous old grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old man walked by.

One of the old ladies called out, saying,

“We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man responded,

“There is no way you can.”

One of the women said,

“Sure we can! Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age.”

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped.

They asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said,

“You’re 87 years old!”

Standing with his pants around his ankles, the old gent asked,

“How in the world did you guess?”

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three ladies happily yelled in unison…

“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,

“Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies,

“I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies,

“I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!”