Daily Joke: Jokes Library

One day two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14 came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money.

“Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. “We told him we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.”

“Then we followed the man,” said the other boy, “and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.”

“That’s a truly awful behavior,” the mother replied. “You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession.”

The boys did what they were told and went to church to confess to the priest.

After a while they came back with 100 euros because now they now knew where the man worked.

Sarah’s parents are excited to meet her new boyfriend.

This is the first time the 28 year old has brought a man to meet her parents.

Her mother slaved over a hot stove all day, while the father cleaned the house and cut the grass.

They both wore their best clothes and waited for Sarah.

At 8PM they hear that ring.

They open the door and Sarah is there, standing next to a huge man, full of tattoos, and a face that looks like it has been in every possible fight, with scars aplenty crossing his face.

He looks like he beats people for a living.

After some hesitant pleasantries, the shocked parents take Sarah to the kitchen.

“What the heck, Sarah?” asked her mother,

“Why would you date a guy like that, he looks like a thug!”

“You’ve got him all wrong,” said Sarah, irritated,

“he’s an incredibly nice and charitable guy.”

“What makes you say that?” asked her father.

“Well, just this month he spent 200 hours serving his community

A businessman is driving down an old country road and he sees a farmer in his orchard feeding his pigs.

The farmer is taking one pig at a time, holding it up, letting it eat an apple out of the tree, and then setting it down before picking up another pig and letting it eat an apple.

The businessman pulls over, walks up to the farmer and he says,

“Wouldn’t it save time to just knock all the apples on the ground and let the pigs eat them all at once?”

And the farmer, confused, looks at him and says,

“What’s time to a pig?”

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip:

An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says.

“I’ve just been molested!”

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream..

So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just flurted.

The driver thought he had a busload of old wackos, but who would be flurting with these old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she’d too.

The bus driver decides that he’d had enough and pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

“Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?” Says the bus driver.

“I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!”

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.

They are enjoying their time,

While talking with each other,

The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.

“Oh no, I look like a pig!”

The man nods,

“And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”