Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two men were waiting at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them started complaining about his family problems.

After listening for a while, the other man said,

“You think you have family problems? Let me tell you about mine…

A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married.

Then, my dad married my stepdaughter.

That made my stepdaughter my stepmother, and my dad became my stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became the mother-in-law to her own father-in-law.

But it gets more complicated. My stepmother—who is my stepdaughter—had a son.

This boy is my half-brother because he’s my dad’s son, but he’s also my wife’s grandson.

That makes me the grandfather of my own half-brother!

It didn’t stop there. My wife and I later had a son.

So now, the half-sister of my son—my stepmother—is also his grandmother.

And my dad, who is his brother-in-law, is the stepbrother of my dad’s wife!”

The other man blinked, trying to process everything, before finally fainting from the confusion.

An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.

“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.

“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.

“No food agrees with me,” said the man.

“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor.

“The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”

“My back is giving trouble,” persisted the man.

“Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”

“Old age,” said the doctor.

This was too much for the man.

“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age’,” he screamed.

“If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”

“See how easily you lost you temper,” said the doctor.

“That is another characteristic of old age.”

At last, old man slaps him, doctor asks,

“Why did you slap me?”

Old man said

“This is also due to old age, you see”

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment –
shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said,

“Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy.

“He just walked up, took me by the hand and said,

‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’”

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.

“What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked.

“Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied.

“Heard of what?”

“Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.”

“No, a cow herd.”

“What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.

He’d never been to church in his life:

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said.

“Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

Murphy said.

“I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said.

“Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy replied. “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said.

“After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”

Murphy slowly shook his head.

“No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.”