02/02/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20103
An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.
One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars.
Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride.
She refused, quipping “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride.
Again Helen turned it down, saying “50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
The third year the same exact conversation happened, except this time the pilot overheard.
He offered the couple a free ride, but with one condition. They must not make a sound while in the air, or they would have to pay the 50 dollars. Bill and Helen agreed and climbed aboard.
As soon as they left the ground, the pilot began performing hair raising maneuvers in the air, but try as he might, he could not get the couple to utter a sound.
When they finally touched down, the pilot turned to Bill and exclaimed, “that was an amazing show of self control, you have earned your free ride”.
Bill replied, “well, I nearly said something when Helen fell out, but 50 bucks is 50 bucks.”
02/01/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20100
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves.
The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?”
The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.”
The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?”
The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.”
The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?”
The momma cow again replieds” Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head.”
The final baby walks over and says, “Duh huh guh nuh!”
The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock.”
01/31/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20097
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo.”
The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman.
The policeman said, “Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!”
The boy answered, “I did! Today I’m taking him to the cinema.”
01/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20091
Two guys were playing golf.
On the tee, Jack hit his shot way left of the fairway in some buttercups.
Bob proceeded to hit and his ball went way off to the right in the bushes.
Jack eventually found his ball and proceeded to hit in the buttercups.
All of a sudden, he heard a big *POOF* and a fairy appeared.
She proceeded to say to Jack that she was Mother Nature and that she was really upset at him for damaging the buttercups.
She said, ”Jack, for all the damage that you did to my buttercups, you will not have any butter to put on your toast in the morning for the next month. No, as a matter of fact, I am so upset at you that you won’t have any butter for the whole next year! That should teach you a lesson so you won’t hurt my creations.”
*POOF* She disappeared.
Jack, stunned by what just happened, called out, “Bob!
Bob! Come over here here quick!”
Bob replied, “Wait a sec. I’m hitting my shot and I’ll be right over.”
Jack yelled back at Bob, “Where are you?”
Bob answered, “I’m over here in the kitten-paw willows”
Jack shouted back, “Don’t swing Bob! For the love of God, don’t swing!”
01/29/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20088
A bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about s3x. Can you explain it to me first?”
“Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison.”
And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, “Then we will have to re-imprison him.”
After the second time, the bride says, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”
The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
The bride again says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again,” to which the husband yelled, ”
Hey, it’s not a life sentence!!!”