09/10/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18840
A man is playing with a stray dog.
His wife says,
“Don’t play with this ugly and disgusting thing!”
The husband defends,
“Come on. He isn’t that ugly and disgusting.”
The wife looks at him,
“I was speaking to the dog.”
09/09/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18837
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked,
“Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Thomas replied,
“Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says,
“I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says,
“Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers,
“Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said,
“Then what’s the problem?”
Thomas replied,
“My father doesn’t like her.”
09/08/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18834
The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains.
Neither one could account for his trouble.
Arriving home from work one night, he informed her.
“I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”
09/07/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18831
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies,
“Nope.”
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger’s legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells,
“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”
The old man mutters,
“Ain’t my dog.”
09/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18827
A Drow Elf, a High Elf, and a Wood Elf were stranded on a desert island.
They found an old lamp, rubbed it to clean it, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
“I will grant you three wishes,” proclaimed the genie,
“one for each of you.”
“I wish to return to my city!” said the High Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his home.
“I wish to return to the forest!” said the Wood Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his forest kingdom.
The Drow Elf looked around at the desert island, utterly alone, and unable to return to his home after his exile.
“I’m lonely,” he said, “I wish they’d both come back!”