10/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18941
One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot.
So he thought he’d give a hoot back.
To his surprise and delight, the bird hooted again.
The next night the same scenario occurred.
All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.
He even kept a log of the “conversations.”
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next-door neighbour.
“My husband spends his nights calling to owls,” the wife commented.
“That’s odd,” the neighbour replied.
“So does my husband.”
10/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18937
A Psychiatrist Had No Patients In His Office.
Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.
His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic.
He was holding strange objects in his hands.
He was dragging cables along behind himself.
The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed,
“And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake…”
The man shook his head.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice your legs. You’re a dragon, right?” The man shook his head again angrily.
“Sorry… a worm?” The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.
“Go to hell, you idiot! I’m the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!”
10/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18933
A guy was lost in the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The guy asked,
“Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”
The old man replied,
“I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie?. Here’s one that goes nicely with your shirt.”
The guy shouted,
“I don’t want a tie, you idiot! I need water!”
“OK, don’t buy a tie, but to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that dune there, about five miles down, there is a nice restaurant my brother
runs. Go over that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”
The guy thanked him and walked away towards the dune and eventually disappeared.
Three hours later the guy came crawling back to where the old man was sitting behind his card table.
The old man said,
“I told you, about five miles over that dune. Couldn’t you find it?”
The guy rasped,
“I found it, they wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”
09/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18927
A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning.
When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
“Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,” said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer.
The amazed man told the farmer his story.
“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer.
“Yes, yes,” the man replied.
“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer.
“She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”
09/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18924
A 72-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his age.
A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking the doctor,
“Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
The doctor asked,
“Well, do you smoke or drink beer?”
“Oh no,” Edgar replied, “I’ve never done either.”
Then the doctor asked,
“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barb-qued ribs?”
Edgar said, “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?” the doctor asked.
“No, I don’t,” Edgar replied.
Then the doctor asked,
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?”
“No,” Edgar said,
“I don’t do any of those things.”
The good doctor looked at Edgar and said,
“Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?”