Daily Joke: Jokes Library

In bed: It’s 6 am, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45 am.

At school/work: It’s 1:30 pm, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s still 1:30 pm.

In a Psychiatric Hospital, a Journalist asks the Doctor: “How do you determine whether to admit a person as a patient or not?

Dr: Well … we’d fill a bathtub with water and then give a teaspoon, a glass and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger.

Dr: No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed #39. We will soon start further investigations on you.

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him and said, “Look at this engine… I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired them and put them back, so why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums?”
 
The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said, “Try the same when the engine is running.”

The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said, “I can take any dead engine and make it alive again, can you?”

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I already have three people following me… two police officers and a psychiatrist.

A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence.

“My father grows beans,” said one girl.

“My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.

A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”