Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Grandma, who was becoming an evermore intimidating personality as the years went on, was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife:

“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, ring my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” the grandson asked.

“You’re coming empty handed…?”

The young man comes running into the store and says to his buddy, “Tommy, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Tommy reacts, “Did you see who it was?”

The young man answers, “No, I couldn’t tell… but I did get his license plate number!”

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw come on boy,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.

The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it. The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it.

The third man said, “Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow.”

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

“Oh,” said My Dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well,” he answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”