Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

Mr. Jones is on a business trip and has bought some fish to bring home to his wife.

The fish was very expensive, so Mr. Jones decides to hide it until the next day, when he would leave the hotel. The fish is well-packaged in multiple layers of paper, so Mr. Jones hides it between the leaves of a rather large plant in his room.

On the day of his departure, Mr. Jones oversleeps and has to hastily pack all his stuff in order to catch his train. He, of course, forgets the fish. Embarrassed about his mishap, he doesn’t tell the hotel when he finds out.

Two weeks later, he gets a message from the hotel that says: “Dear Mr. Jones … all is forgiven. Just tell us … where is it?!?!”

My wife curiously noticed that every time it was my turn to put the kids to bed they fall asleep in minutes.

I told her that when I play my guitar it works like magic putting kids to sleep.

She said I must be exceedingly talented because it works just like that with her as well.

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “How was I born?”

“Well, Honey…” said the boy’s mom, “the stork brought you to us.”

“Oh,” said the boy. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.

“Oh, the stork brought us too,” chimed in the dad.

“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” he persisted.

“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”