01/20/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11016
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician.
The magician was standing at the top of a slide.
The magician than said, ”You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ”beerrr!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,”lemonadeee!!!” Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ”wheeeeeeeee!!!”’
01/19/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11013
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was roiling and no car went by.
The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door – and only then realized that there’s nobody behind the wheel!
The car starts very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray, begging for his life.
He hasn’t come out of shock when, just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are approaching a curve.
Gathering strength, he gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes into a bar, asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying, but wasn’t drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked in the same bar and one said to the other: “Look, Pepe, that’s the asshole that got in the car while we were pushing it!”
01/18/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11010
Three little lads were on their way home from school when one of them noticed a red Ferrari parked at the side of the road.
He said: “When I’m older I’m going to get a great job and buy one of them.”
The second lad said: “I am going to university to get a great education, and a great job and buy one also.”
The third lad says: “I’m going to get a job like my sister.”
The other two asked what she did.
“She’s a prostitute.”
“What’s a prostitute?” the other two ask.
“I don’t know, but that’s my sister’s car.”
01/17/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11007
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.
The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”
01/16/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11004
One Monday morning, a postman was walking through a neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.
His curiosity was cut short by Craig, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
“Wow Craig, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the postman commented.
Craig, in obvious pain, replied: “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?”
The postman thought for a moment and said: “How do you play WHO AM I?”
‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”
The postman laughed and said, “Sounds like fun. I’m sorry I missed it.”
“Probably a good thing you did,” Craig responded. “Your name came up seven times.”