Daily Joke: Jokes Library

It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.

It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

It’s very, very important that these four women don’t know each other.

An elderly woman went to the doctor complaining of recent intestinal problems.

“Doctor I have terrible gas lately, but it doesn’t smell or make noise.”

The doctor prescribed some pills and told the elderly woman to return in two weeks.

After two weeks the woman returned to the doctor saying, “Doctor, I don’t know what were in those pills, but now my gas smells terrible!”

The doctor said, “I see we have cleared up your sinuses. Now let’s work on your hearing.”

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, as the man is sucking down the drink he looks over and notices a dog licking his nuts.

The man thought nothing of it and orders another drink.

Time goes by and the man notices the dog still licking his balls.

So the man looks at the bartender and says, “Man, I wish I could do that” so the bartender looks at the man and says, “go ahead he does not bite!”

Little Sally asked her dad if she could take her dog Fluffy far a walk around the block, he told her no because Fluffy was in heat.

Little Sally says what does in heat mean?

Without any explanation her dad took a rag with gas on it and wiped the dog’s rear end with it and told her to go around the block and come back straight home.

When she returned she was alone. Her dad asks; where is Fluffy?

Little Sally says, Fluffy ran out of gas a few blocks back and another dog is pushing her home.

A family is sitting around the supper table discussing anatomy.

Suddenly the son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum, how many kind of penises are there?”

The mother, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!”