Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.

Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.

He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.”

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one-day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”

The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.

Paramedics rushed him to the ER.

The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.

He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”

A doctor takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, and says to Mr. Smith, “I have some bad news. The tests results came back positive for cancer. Now, I can help you through this with counseling. I have a one o’clock tee time, why don’t you join me.”

They go to the golf course, and on the first tee the patient runs into a few guys he knows and he tells them he is dying of AIDS.

Curious, the doctor asks, “Why are you telling everyone you are dying of AIDS when in fact you are dying of cancer?”

The guy looks at the doctor and in a very low voice says, “I don’t want any of my friends sleeping with my wife after I die.”

A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.

She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.

After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.

She opened the door, and bent over to touch the soft leather seating.

When she bent over she let out a little gas.

Being the proper businesswoman that she was, she stood up straight, adjusted her suit and looked around to make sure no one heard.

Sure enough a salesman was right behind her.

To change the inevitable conversation she asked, “What is your best price for this model?”

The salesperson without missing a beat said, “Well, lady if you farted just touching it you are going to crap when you hear the price!”

Daddy, how was I born ?

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Mail!’

This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox.

With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside.

Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox.

Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house.

Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox.

After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious.

When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, “What are you doing?”

She says, “My computer keeps telling me that I’ve got mail.”