Daily Joke: Jokes Library

There was a young couple very much in love.

On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident.

They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter.

After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, “St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated.

Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?”

St. Peter looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married.

I’m afraid you’ll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday.”

Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request.

The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, “I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again.”

A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back.

Again, the Lord God Almighty said, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request.”

This happened year after year, for ten years.

Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year.

In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again.

This time the Lord answered, “Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m.

We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!”

The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful.

Then Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets. Jesus prepared the fish course. All of heaven’s denizens attended, and a good time was had by all.

Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn’t stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty.

Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce.

The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, “Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven.

Do you have any idea how long it’ll take us to find a lawyer?”

A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had breasts bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her son, “The bigger they are … the dumber the person is.”

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger members than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are … the dumber the person is.”

Again satisfied with his answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again.

He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”