Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A woman in a very tight dress, arms full of shopping bags, hurried up to catch a bus just as it was about to leave. As she tried to step up onto the first step, she realized her dress was so restrictive that she couldn’t lift her leg high enough.

Thinking quickly, she reached behind her and tugged her zipper down just a little to give herself more room. She tried again—but still couldn’t quite make it.

A bit flustered now, she reached back once more and lowered the zipper a little further. Taking another shot, she still found herself stuck at the step, unable to climb aboard.

Determined not to miss the bus, she reached back a third time and pulled the zipper down even more, hoping that would finally do the trick. But before she could try again, the man standing right behind her suddenly wrapped his arms around her, lifted her up effortlessly, carried her onto the bus, paid both their fares, gently set her down—and then, to her complete shock, planted a kiss on her.

The woman, stunned and furious, immediately turned and slapped him hard across the face.

The man, rubbing his cheek, looked at her and said, “Well, after you reached back and pulled my zipper down three times, I figured we were on pretty friendly terms.”

One Sunday, as I was leaving church, I found myself walking just a few steps behind a friend of mine. As usual, the pastor was standing by the door, greeting everyone warmly and shaking hands as they exited.

When my friend reached him, the pastor didn’t just offer a quick handshake—he held onto his hand, gently pulling him aside as if he had something important to say.

Looking him straight in the eye, the pastor said with conviction, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend didn’t hesitate. With a calm and confident tone, he replied, “Pastor, I’m already in the Army of the Lord.”

The pastor looked a bit puzzled and asked, “Then how come I only ever see you here on Christmas and Easter?”

My friend leaned in slightly, lowered his voice, and whispered, “I’m in the secret service.”

Two Navy SEALs boarded a short shuttle flight departing from Dallas, headed for Houston. It was one of those quick commuter flights where everyone settles in knowing the trip will be over almost before it begins. One of the SEALs took the window seat while his teammate slid into the middle seat beside him.

Just moments before takeoff, another passenger stepped onto the plane — a Green Beret. He made his way down the aisle and took the remaining seat next to them. After sitting down, the Green Beret kicked off his boots, stretched his legs a little, and wiggled his toes to get comfortable for the short flight.

As the aircraft began preparing for departure, the SEAL sitting by the window leaned over and said casually, “You know what? I think I’ll get up and grab a Coke.”

The Green Beret smiled politely and said, “No need. Sit tight — I’ll go get one for you.”

He stood up and headed toward the back of the plane to grab the drink. While he was gone, the SEAL looked down at the Green Beret’s boots sitting on the floor. With a mischievous grin, he picked up one of the boots and quietly spit inside it before placing it back exactly where it was.

A moment later the Green Beret returned and handed the SEAL his Coke. The three men sat quietly as the plane continued its climb.

After a few minutes, the SEAL sitting in the middle looked over at the drink and said, “That actually looks pretty good. I think I’ll have one too.”

Once again the Green Beret, trying to be courteous, said, “Sure thing. I’ll grab one for you.”

He stood up and walked down the aisle again. The moment he was out of sight, the second SEAL leaned down, picked up the other boot, and spit into it as well before setting it neatly back in place.

Soon the Green Beret returned with the second Coke and handed it over. The three men then settled back in their seats and quietly enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.

Everything remained calm and uneventful until the plane began its final descent. As the aircraft touched down and taxied toward the gate, the Green Beret bent down and slipped his feet back into his boots.

Instantly, he knew exactly what had happened.

He slowly looked over at the two SEALs and sighed.

Then he said, “How long is this going to keep going on?”

The two SEALs looked at him, confused.

“This constant fighting between our groups,” the Green Beret continued. “All this rivalry… all this hatred… all this hostility.”

He shook his head and added,

“How long are we going to keep doing things like spitting in boots and peeing in Cokes?”

The sun hung high in a cloudless sky, casting a golden glow over the city on what was undeniably one of the most perfect days of the season. It was the heart of spring, and the air was filled with the scent of blooming jasmine and freshly cut grass. Taking advantage of the glorious weather, a husband and wife decided to spend their afternoon at the local zoo. The woman was dressed impeccably for the occasion, wearing a charming, loose-fitting dress in a soft shade of pink. The fabric was light and airy, designed to catch the breeze, featuring delicate spaghetti straps that rested on her shoulders and a sleeveless cut that suited the warmth of the day.

As they strolled leisurely through the grounds, enjoying the sights and sounds of the animals, they eventually made their way to the primate exhibit. The enclosure was dominated by a massive silverback gorilla, a creature of immense power and presence. As the couple walked past the heavy steel bars, the atmosphere shifted. The gorilla, who had been sitting quietly, suddenly became agitated. He surged forward, gripping the cold metal bars with one massive hand and securing his footing with his feet. With his free hand, he began to pound rhythmically against his broad chest, letting out deep, guttural grunts that resonated through the enclosure. It was clear to any observer that the animal was fixated on the woman in the sheer, pink dress; he seemed captivated by her presence.

The husband, observing the animal’s intense reaction, stopped walking. A mischievous glint appeared in his eye as he turned to his wife. He suggested that she play along with the creature’s excitement, proposing that she tease the “poor fellow” just a little. He encouraged her to pucker her lips in a kiss and give a playful wiggle of her hips to flirt with the ape.

Amused by the suggestion and the animal’s behavior, she complied. She turned toward the enclosure, puckered her lips, and swayed slightly. The reaction from the gorilla was immediate and amplified. He let out a series of loud, raucous noises that were so intense they seemed loud enough to wake the dead, his eyes locked onto her.

Seeing the escalation, the husband leaned in closer with another suggestion. He whispered that she should let one of the straps of her dress slip down off her shoulder. She laughed but went along with the game, allowing the pink strap to fall. The gorilla’s agitation reached a new level; he began to shake the bars violently, his excitement bordering on uncontrollable, looking as though he might tear the entire enclosure down.

Not stopping there, the husband urged her to take it one step further. He suggested she lift the hem of her dress just above her thighs. She did so, and the gorilla went absolutely wild, thrashing against the confines of his cage with primal energy.

In that split second, while the animal was at the peak of its frenzy, the husband’s demeanor changed instantly. With sudden, decisive action, he grabbed his wife firmly by the hair, yanked open the unlocked service door to the cage, and slung her inside with the beast. As the door slammed shut, he leaned in close to the bars and delivered the final line:

“Now, tell him you have a headache.”

Two Navy SEALs boarded a small commuter shuttle departing from Dallas and heading toward Houston. It was a short flight, the kind many business travelers take every day, and the cabin quickly filled with passengers settling into their seats.

One of the SEALs took the window seat while his companion sat in the middle. Just moments before takeoff, another passenger stepped aboard — a tough-looking Green Beret. He walked down the aisle, stowed his bag, and took the aisle seat beside the two SEALs.

Getting comfortable for the flight, the Green Beret slipped off his boots, stretched his legs slightly, and wiggled his toes as he leaned back in his seat.

A few minutes later, the SEAL sitting by the window looked over and said casually, “I think I’ll get up and grab a Coke.”

The Green Beret smiled politely and replied, “No need to get up. I’ll grab one for you.”

He stood, walked down the aisle toward the back of the plane, and went to get the drink. The moment he was out of sight, the SEAL in the window seat glanced at his friend, picked up one of the Green Beret’s boots from the floor, and quietly spit into it before placing it back exactly where it had been.

A short time later, the Green Beret returned and handed him the Coke.

As they settled back into their seats, the SEAL in the middle looked at the drink and said, “You know what… that actually looks pretty good. I think I’ll have one too.”

Without hesitation, the Green Beret nodded and said, “Sure thing,” before getting up once again and heading down the aisle to get another drink.

While he was gone, the second SEAL reached down, picked up the other boot, and repeated the same prank, spitting into it before carefully placing it back where it had been.

Soon the Green Beret returned with the second Coke. The three men sat quietly as the plane continued its short journey, sipping their drinks and enjoying the remainder of the flight without another word being exchanged.

Before long, the captain announced their descent into Houston. The plane began lowering toward the runway, and passengers started preparing for landing.

As the aircraft touched down and rolled along the runway, the Green Beret leaned forward, slipped his feet back into his boots, and instantly realized something wasn’t quite right.

He paused for a moment, then slowly looked over at the two SEALs beside him.

With a calm but weary expression, he sighed and said,

“How long do we have to keep this going?”

He shook his head slightly before continuing.

“How long will this fighting between our groups last? All this rivalry… all this bitterness… all this hostility?”

Then he added with a tired smile,

“The spitting in boots… and the peeing in Cokes?”