
The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.
Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate.
Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”

Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch.
One asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?”
Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.”
“No kidding! Like a brand new baby?
“Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.”
God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied, “Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious.”

Year ago when the Northern Lights were especially bright, a young man went out late one night, saw them, and thought it was the end of time. He rushed down through the community, trying to wake up people up.
He came to the house of an old man, started pounding on his door yelling, ”Get up! They day of Judgment has come!”
The old man yelled back, ” Go back to bed. Who ever heard of the Day of Judgment coming in the middle of the night?”

Seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful and introduces them to a technique called word/name association. They come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it.
Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.
“Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?”
“Well, it was…hmmm…let me think a minute… What’s the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems…?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yeah, that’s it…(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor’s name?”
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