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11/15/2020 from DailyJokes
#13891

A family are driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.

He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car.

The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area.”

The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car. Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

Funny +118
-26 Not Funny
11/14/2020 from DailyJokes
#13887

A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.

To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line, asking each person to smile.

Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.

“Once a day, then?” Again the answer is no.

“Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to “once a year.”

The therapist is angry that his theory isn’t working, and asks the man, “What are you so happy about?”

The man answers, “Tonight’s the night!”

Funny +111
-11 Not Funny
11/13/2020 from DailyJokes
#13884
At Starbucks en Espanol

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough, replied the son of Erin “but it was the Irish who got women involved”

Funny +138
-25 Not Funny
11/12/2020 from DailyJokes
#13879
The Coffee Break en Espanol

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.

“After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it.

Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?” the defense attorney prompted.

“Yes,” she replied, “I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him.”

“And when was that?”

“When he asked for his second cup.

Funny +123
-43 Not Funny
11/11/2020 from DailyJokes
#13876
I Knew It en Espanol

There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet.

He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It’s never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it..

When the girls find out, they’ll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, “Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I’m dead meat.” He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy’s lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, “Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!”

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out.

All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else – Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. “You’ve done enough, you klutz!”

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Susie whispers back, “I wet my pants once too.”

Moral: All of us go through all good and bad things in life. We should always remember how we felt when we were in same condition and should not mock others for being in it. Always try to understand their situation as if you are in it and help much as possible praying to god that today you are in a condition to help someone who needs it.

Funny +117
-33 Not Funny
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