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11/21/2021 from DailyJokes
#15437
A Teenage Crush en Espanol

A teenager has a crush on a girl, and decides to ask her to the prom.

The girls accepts, and the boy is over the moon. Because he wants this night to be perfect, he decides he needs to dress his best, so, a couple of weeks before the prom he looks to rent a tuxedo.

When he gets to the store there are already people waiting in line, but he waits anyway, and gets his tuxedo.

He wants himself and his date to arrive in style, so he looks to rent a limousine for the night. He goes to the limousine centre, and finds a line of people waiting to rent out a limo, but he patiently waits in line, and manages to hire a limo for prom night.

The morning of the prom he decides to buy his date a bunch of flowers. When he arrives at the florist, he sees a long line of people waiting for their bouquets. He’s annoyed, but he waits patiently, and manages to buy a big bouquet.

During the prom, everything is going well, the boy is dancing with his date, and having a good time. His date whispers into his ear to ask if he can get her some fruit punch. The boy looks over at the table and there was no punchline.

Funny +146
-133 Not Funny
11/20/2021 from DailyJokes
#15433

Daily Jokes

HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.

Opens window.

Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.

Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one.

Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right.

Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.

Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.

Pulls up to a 7 -11.

Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.

Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

Gets back into car.

Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.

Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.

Almost hits a deer.

Curses the night.

Curses you.

Curses the large slurpee.

Drives and fiddles with radio.

Yells at you for suggesting the map again.

Admits he didn’t want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister’s anyway.

He hates your sister.

Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.

He had to look up pernicious.

Couldn’t find a dictionary.

Finally found a dictionary.

Couldn’t spell pernicious.

Seethes at the memory of it all.

But she is laughing inside…

And of course you’re still lost.

Funny +35
-86 Not Funny
11/19/2021 from DailyJokes
#15431

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about.

The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem.

His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast.

His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance.

The son thought about this and went along happy.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem.

Her morning breath was horrid.

Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath.

The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world.

The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea.

She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don’t say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating.

The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences.

One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing.

He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what’s wrong.

With a look of shock on his face the young man says, “OH MY GOD! You’ve swallowed my sock!”

Funny +56
-82 Not Funny
11/18/2021 from DailyJokes
#15427

 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River. After a few hours just lying about, the smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids – I just don’t get it.’

‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘What have you been eating?’ ‘Well, mostly politicians that come here with their mistresses, same as you!’ replied the small Croc. ‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’ ‘On the other side of the river near the car park.’

‘Same here. Hmm… Tell me your method. How do you catch them?’ asked the big Croc. ‘Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the c*ap out of them and eat ’em!’

‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the c*ap out of a Politician, there’s nothing much left but an a**hole with a briefcase.’

 

Funny +89
-24 Not Funny
11/17/2021 from DailyJokes
#15425
The Three Ladies en Espanol

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain
announced ” Please prepare for a crash landing “.

The first lady put on all her jewelry .

Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions.

The first lady replied, well when they come to rescue us they
will see that I am rich and will rescue me first.

The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to
take off her top and bra.

Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned, well
when they come to rescue us they will see my great melons
and will take me first.

The third lady who was African not wanting to be out done
took off her pants and panties.

Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned,
well they always search for the black box first.

Funny +99
-39 Not Funny
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