A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways.
The interviewer asked him, “Do you know how to use the equipment?”
“Yes,” the boy replied.
“Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?”
The young applicant thought and replied, “I’d press the button to change the points without hesitation.”
“What if the button was frozen and wouldn’t work?”
“I’d run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually.”
“And if the lever was broken?”
“I’d get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points,” he replied.
“And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?”
The boy thought about that one.
“I’d run into town and get my uncle.”
“Is your uncle an electrician?”
“No, but he’s never seen a train crash before.”
A Colombian, Russian, Arab and a Punjabi were in a discussion during an Antique Collectors’ Dinner.
Colombian Drug Lord: “I have loads of money…. I want to buy the world’s 10 rarest pens.”
Russian: “I am a billionaire… I want to buy the world’s 20 most highly valued antique watches.”
Arab: “That’s nothing! I am a rich prince… I intend to purchase the world’s top 50 Vintage cars.”
Then they wait for the Punjabi to speak.
He sips his whisky, bites into his chicken leg piece, places the glass neatly on the table, takes a bite again, back with hands on the head and softly says, “I am not selling.”
An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress. She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her.
He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.
“I’m terribly sorry,” he said, “but I can’t seem to reach it.”
“Try further down,” she said.
At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, “I feel such a perfect ass.”
“Never mind that!” she cried. “Just get the necklace.”
A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work.
“It’s just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I’ll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink.”
His friends at work agree: “Why don’t you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else.”
He looks at them, stunned: “You know, you’re probably right, but I just can’t give up the glamour of show business!”
I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.
“Mom, what’s this?” I asked.
“Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat,” she answered.
“Is it working?” I asked.
“Yes and no,” she explained. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!”