This guy walks into a bar and takes two steps in and he realizes it’s a gay bar.
“But what the heck”, he says, “I really want a drink.”
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, “What’s the name of your penis?”
The customer says, “Look, I’m not into any of that, all I want is a drink.”
The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because “It really satisfies.”
The customer looks dumb founded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.
So the customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of your penis?”
The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty customer asks, “Why Timex?”
The fellow proudly replies, “Cause it takes a licking’ and keeps on ticking!”
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fellow on his right, who is sipping a fruity margarita and says, “So, what do you call your penis?”
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job 1 then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford, lately?”
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my penis is Secret. Now give me my beer.”
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why secret?”
The customer says, “Because it’s STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN.”
A mother-in-law stopped by her daughter-in-law’s house, to give her some fruit.
When her daughter-in-law opened the door, she was naked!
“Oh my gosh! Why aren’t you wearing anything?” exclaimed the mother-in-law.
Very surprised, and shocked. “I’m wearing my love suit,” replied the daughter-in-law.
“You are crazy!” yelled the mother-in-law, and with that she left.
A while later, she thought to herself that wearing a love suit wasn’t such a bad idea so, she decided to try it.
In the evening, when her husband opened the door, he exclaimed, “My god! Why are you naked? You are crazy!”
She replied, “I’m wearing my love suit!”
and he said, “Hmmm, it needs ironing!”
I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.
I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”
“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?”
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
“Hi, Ray,” he said.
I replied, “Get lost Gates, I’m in a meeting.”
Little Johnny runs into the bathroom just as his mother is stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks: “Mommy what’s that?”
Somewhat flustered she quickly replies: “Well dear that is my sponge.” Content with her answer off he goes…
Later he runs into the living room and asks “Mommy may I play with your sponge?”
Again his mother is flustered and quickly states “Why, no you may not, I lost it.”
O.K. this pacifies him and back out to play.
Later Johnny races into the kitchen yelling “Mommy I found the sponge, I found the sponge.”
Confused the mother asks “You did and where did you find it?”
Johnny proudly stated “The maid is got it and she is washing Daddy’s face with it.”
Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”
“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”
“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”