A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old blonde
woman because her hand signals were confusing.
“First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right,
then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,”
said the officer.
“I decided not to turn right,” she explains.
“Then why the up and down?” asks the officer.
“Officer,” she sniffs, “I was erasing!”
There was once a great actor, who had a problem.
He could no longer remember his lines.
Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says,”This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line… ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'”
The actor is thrilled.
All day long before the play he’s practicing his line, over and over again.
Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line; “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress”.
The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter… and the director was steaming! “You bloody fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”
The actor, quite bewildered, asked, “What happened, did I forget my line?” he asked.
“No!” the director screamed…. “You forgot the bloody rose!”
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde
woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to
determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.”
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said,
“It looks like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.”
She turned red, and replied,
“You mean it shows that, too?”
A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F” another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”
The man answered, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”
So you want the day off.
Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have
two days off per week, leaving 251 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours a day away from work, you have
used up 170 days, leaving only 81 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks, that accounts
for 23 days a year leaving 68 days available.
With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up
another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available.
You normally spend 2 days sick per year, this now only leaves
you 20 days available.
You get 5 days public holidays a year, so your working time is
now down to 15 days a year.
We generously give you a 14 days vacation per year,
which leaves only 1 day available for work.
So if you think you are going to have that day off,
You out of your mind!!!