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11/22/2022 from DailyJokes
#16633

A middle-aged male professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus.

After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, who greets him with a big smile and says:

“May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when I was a professor at this college.”

“Sure!” replied the professor. “Be my guest!”

The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said, “The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old desk.”

When examining it, he noticed there was a young girl hiding under the desk.

The young man got alarmed and stammered,

“Don’t mistake me. She’s my daughter. She dropped her earring and is searching for it.”

“And the same old story…” Sighed the old man.

Funny +86
-17 Not Funny
11/21/2022 from DailyJokes
#16630

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural northern Alberta.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Alberta.

We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’

The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The Farmer replied, “Well because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”

Funny +58
-11 Not Funny
11/20/2022 from DailyJokes
#16628

Martin and his wife Debbie walk into a dentist’s office.

Martin says to the dentist,

“Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry I have three buddies sitting out in my carwaiting for us to play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb.

I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!

Today is Friday and we have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:15 already…

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have a tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”

So the dentist asks Martin, “Which tooth is it sir?”

Martin turned to his wife and said,

“Open your mouth and show him dear…….”

Funny +58
-13 Not Funny
11/19/2022 from DailyJokes
#16624

Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.

Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.

He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.

Ma says,

“Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road? He must be smart ’cause he’s a college gradjyate.”

So Pa drives down to the neighbour’s house and asks him,

“Mr College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”

The young’n tells him,

“Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off

and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then

come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”

Pa thanks the neighbour, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.

He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.

He then lights them and runs behind a tree.

All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.

BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading poop all over the farm.

Then, WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.

Pa races to the outhouse throw open the door and asks,

“Ma, are you all right?”

As she pulls up her panties she says,

“Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”

Funny +50
-16 Not Funny
11/18/2022 from DailyJokes
#16622

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening.

She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.

He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells,

“Spot, get down from there.”

The guy thinks,

“Great, they think the dog did it.”

He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts.

Finally the woman yells,

“Dammit Spot, get down before he craps on you.”

Funny +82
-19 Not Funny
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