Two couples were playing poker one evening.
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife, Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bob’s wife followed and asked,
‘ Did you see anything that you like under there?’
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, ‘Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.’
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob’s house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m.
And upon arriving, asked his wife:
‘ Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?’
With a lump in her throat Sue answered ‘Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.’ Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
‘ And did he give you $500?’
Sue, using her best poker face replied,
‘ Well, yes, in fact, he did give me $500.’
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
‘ He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.’
Now, THAT is what I call ‘A Good Poker Player’!
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over.
The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.
Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.
“Well,” the man says,
“I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”
“What kind of question?” the neighbour asks.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” says the neighbour.
“You just say, ‘Of course, I will’.”
“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I MEANT to say.
But what came OUT was, ‘Of course I do’.”
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman, named Guido, was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular, young, woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senselessly.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
“So, you finish..??”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The s** finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks,
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says,
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied. Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets..!!
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
Barely able to speak, the beautiful whispers in his ear,
“No, I’m Norwegian.”
The Husband and wife had a blazing row!
The hubby stopped talking to his wife.
The wife said,
“I will count to 10. If you don’t start talking to me by then, I am going to my mother’s house!”
She started counting from 1 to 8 and stopped.
The impatient husband said,
“Why did you stop? Complete the count and go!”
The wife replied,
“See, you surrendered and started talking to me. Otherwise, I would have left! Now, I forgive you!”
On his Birthday, a man named Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him.
As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said,
“Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!”
He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered.
At lunchtime, Anna knocked on his door and said,
“You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.”
Peter happily agreed
They had their lunch but on the way back to the office, Anna said,
“You know, it’s such a beautiful day…We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?”
Peter replied “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?”
She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Anna said,
“Boss if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Ok.” He nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes;
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing
And Peter just sat there…On the couch…