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01/04/2022 from DailyJokes
#15562

 

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant. The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu.

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind man smells it and says: “I’ll have the beef steak with mash potatoes and gravy and some chocolate brownies for dessert.”

The server brings him his food and the blind man enjoys his meal, pays the bill and leaves.

Next week, the blind man goes back to the same restaurant.

The server recognizes him and wanting to see how good the blind man’s sense of smell is, he goes to the kitchen and asks his wife, Brenda, for a spoon.

He instructs his wife, Brenda, to rub the spoon all over her private parts and so she does.’

The server hands the dirty spoon to the blind man.

The blind man takes a whiff and says:“I didn’t know Brenda worked here.”

Funny +136
-14 Not Funny
01/03/2022 from DailyJokes
#15558
The Bodybuilder en Espanol

A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and starts flexing in front of a blonde woman. She exclaims…

“Wow, what a great chest you have!”

“He says, “Solid dynamite, babe.”

He then takes off his pants and the blonde says, “Wow, what massive calves you have!”

He flexes his leg muscles and says, “Like I said, pure dynamite, sweetheart.”

Then he removes his underwear and the blonde goes running and screaming in fear.

He gets dressed and goes chasing after the woman.

When he catches up to her, he asks, “Why the hell did you go running off like that?”

She replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was.”

Funny +117
01/02/2022 from DailyJokes
#15555

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

“Mom, I’d love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days.”

“Oh I don’t know, airfare is so expensive these days.”

“Mom, I’ll fly you out on Air Force One!”

“Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous.”

“Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here.”

“But accommodations, especially during the inau—”

“MOM!! I’ll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!”

She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.

“Who was that?”

“My son.”gasp

“The doctor??”

“No, the other one.”

Funny +64
-48 Not Funny
01/01/2022 from DailyJokes
#15553

An American, an Indian, and a Russian end up in Hell and plead to the devil that they don’t belong here.

The devil, bored, makes them an offer: “I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I’ll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield”

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it.

The Devil strikes once – the shield cracks; twice – the shield falls apart; thrice – the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position and goes into deep hibernation.

The Devil strikes once – nothing; twice – the Indian shivers a bit; thrice – the Indian grunts, but lives.

The Devil is amazed and tells him he’s free to go.The Indian asks, “May I stay and watch?

In all jokes the Russians somehow come out on top. I want to see how he will do it this time”.

The Devil nods and turns to the Russian: “So, what will you use as a shield?”

The Russian replies, “The Indian, of course”.

Funny +67
-29 Not Funny
12/31/2021 from DailyJokes
#15551
The Shy Guy en Espanol

Did you hear about the shy guy who called an escort service? Well, a beautiful woman knocked on his hotel door and he let her in.  He tells the lady, “I must tell you ma’am that I’m hung like a baby.”

Instantly she likes the poor guy and says, “now don’t you worry. When I’m done with you, you’re gonna feel like a man. Now you just go and get undressed and crawl into bed there and I’m going to freshen up in the restroom but I’ll be right out, ok?”

Well, he shrugs his shoulders and did as she asked. A few minutes later the door to the bathroom opens and there stands this incredible, stunning woman.

She goes over to the bed and crawls in and isn’t there for but just a few seconds when she screams, throws back the covers and looks at the guys p3n!$!

“I thought you said you were hung like a baby?” She asked…

He answered, “I am! 8 lbs. 21 inches!”

Funny +99
-44 Not Funny
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