Two men were golfing, and the fairway of the hole they were playing was adjacent to a road.
The first man was setting up for his swing, when a funeral procession went by on the road.
He stopped, faced the procession for a moment, then bowed his head in prayer as the hearse passed by.
Only when the procession had passed out of view did he resume playing, driving his ball to the green.
As they were walking toward the green, the second man said, “That was a touching show of respect for the the deceased back there. I had no idea you were so sentimental.”
The first man shrugged and said, “It’s the least I could do. I was married to her for thirty years.”
A government social worker was visiting the an reservation for the first time.
A woman was yelling at an old Indian man.
The man looked like he could use some help.
The social worker walked over and broke up the disturbance by pulling the man aside.
“Hey, that lady sure hates you.”
“She no lady. She my wife.”
“You don’t say. What’s her name?”
“Wife name ‘Three Horse’.”
The social worker smiled. “Now that’s a strange name. Three Horse. Yep, that sure is a strange name. How did she get a name like that?”
“Nag nag nag.”
“Don’t be afraid of the dog,” said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries.
“You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?'”
“Yes,” replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?”
Jones took his nymphomaniac wife to the doctor for treatment. “This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor, ” he said. “Maybe you can do something for her?
She goes for any man and I get very jealous.”
“We’ll see,” the doctor said.
He directed Mrs. Jones into his examining room, closed the door behind him and told her to undress.
Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.
The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to moan and squirm.
It was too much for him to resist, and he climbed up on top of her and began to screw her.
Jones suddenly heard moans and groans coming from the room. Unable to control himself, he pushed open the door, to be confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife banging away.
“Doctor, what are you doing?” he asked.
The flustered doctor said, “Oh, it’s you, Jones?
I’m only taking your wife’s temperature!”
Jones opened his switchblade knife and began to hone it on his sleeve very deliberately.
“Ok Doc,…..” he said, “but when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!!!!”
A Guy walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
Just as the bartender is about to ask the customer for his order he hears a phone ring.
The customer puts his hand up to his ear and says, “Hello? No honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes, love
The bartender says, “What the heck is that?”
The customer replies “It’s my hand phone..give me your home number so you can try it.”
With that, the bartender gives him his home number and the customer punches the numbers in on his hand and puts his hand up to the bartender’s ear.
The bartender’s wife answers and he (who is very amazed) says, “I…honey… just thought I’d call you and tell you I love you….ok…bye.”
The bartender says, “That’s amazing! How do you get one?”
“I’ll tell you when I get back from the restroom.”
30 minutes later there is no sign of the customer and the bartender is getting concerned so he walks to the restroom to make sure the guy is ok.
When he enters he finds the guy with his pants around his ankles, bent over with his palms on the wall and a long piece of toilet paper hanging out of his butt.
“What the hell are you doing?” asks the incredulous bartender.
“Give me a second,” the man replies as he grunts and groans, “I’m getting a fax.”