03/20/2023 from DailyJokes
#16966
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,
Suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:
“Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table.”
The man replied:
“Naah, She just arrived at the restaurant..!”
03/19/2023 from DailyJokes
#16962
Brendan O’Hare was completely lost in the kitchen and couldn’t even make a plate of soup for himself or boil an egg.
He’d never even done the food shopping, but always came home from work to a delicious meal cooked by his wife, Barbara.
One day, after Barbara had been sick with the flu for several days and the fridge was all but empty,
Brendan realized he’d better help out, and offered to go to the supermarket.
Barbara sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Brendan returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.
He had one bag of carrots, two packages of celery, three dozen eggs, four bags of potatoes, five raw chickens, six boxes of noodles, and seven loaves of bread.
03/18/2023 from DailyJokes
#16960
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
‘ Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.!
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female……
03/17/2023 from DailyJokes
#16956
An elderly lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move, as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty finding a new home.
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers can not and do not lie.
So, he had an idea:
he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked,
“How many children do you have ?”
He answered, “12 children.”
The agent asked,
“Where are the others ?”
The elderly lawyer answered, with a sad look,
“They are in the cemetery with their mother.”
And that’s the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words. Lawyers don’t lie …they are creative …
03/16/2023 from DailyJokes
#16953
On reaching his plane seat,
A man is surprised to see a parrot seated next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee, then the parrot squawks
“And get me a whisky, you cow!”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but forgets the man’s coffee.
When the man points it out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls
“And get me another whisky, you id!to.”
Upset, the stewardess comes back with another whisky – but still no coffee.
By now in desperate need for his coffee, the man tries the parrot’s style,
“I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go get it now, you m0ron.”
Before they know it, two burly flight stewards storm down the aisle, grab the parrot and the man, yank them out of their seats, and throw them out of the emergency exit.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to the man and says
“For someone who can’t fly, you sure complain too much!”