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05/25/2023 from DailyJokes
#17164

An 80 year old women was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

During her court appearance the judge asked the lady

“So tell me why did you steal the peaches?” to which the old lady replied,

“Your honor I was very hungry because my husband and I have no money to eat”.

The judge then asked the old lady “How many peaches were in the tin?”

“Six” she replied.

“Ok i’m going to give you one day in prison for each peach.”

All of a sudden, the wife’s husband stood up and objected the judge’s ruling.

“Your honor I have to admit, last week she stole a can of peas”.

Funny +64
-16 Not Funny
05/24/2023 from DailyJokes
#17161

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old.

The first one said,

“Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich”.

The second lady says,

“Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down”.

The third one says,

“Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have any of those problems, knock on wood”.

As she hit her knuckles on the table she looked up and said,

“That must be the door… I’ll get it!”

Funny +67
-11 Not Funny
05/23/2023 from DailyJokes
#17157

Once a doctor asked a 100-year-old man and his 98-year-old wife for their health secrets.

The old man said

“I’ll tell you my secret. I’ve been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I’ve been walking 5 kilometres every day for past 75 years!

The doctor was amazed and applauded and asked again

“But how come your wife is very healthy as well?”

The old man answered

“That is another secret. For 75 years every single day she has been following me to make sure I really walk the full 5 kilometres!”

Funny +80
-11 Not Funny
05/22/2023 from DailyJokes
#17153

A man was sick and tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed at home; he wanted his wife to see what he goes through and so he prayed;

“Dear Lord, I go to work all day and put in eight hours while my wife stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please switch her body to mine for a day, as I take hers.

So God in His own infinite wisdom granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He cooked breakfast, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them, packed their lunch, took them to school, came back home, picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, went grocery shopping, got home and put away the groceries, cleaned the cat’s little box and bathed the dog.

By then it was already 1:00pm.

He quickly went to make the bed, do the laundry, swept and mop the floor, ran to school to pick up the kids, got into an argument with one of them, set out milk and cookies and got the kids organised to do their home work.

He then set the ironing board and watched tv while he did the ironing.

At 4.30pm, he began peeling potatoes and washed the vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chop and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, put them to bed.

Now He’s exhausted, and though his daily choice wasn’t over, he went to bed and was expected to make LOVE, which he managed to get through without complaints.

Early in the morning, he woke up and quickly knelt down by the bed and said:
“LORD, I do not know what I was thinking, I was wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day. Please let’s trade again.

GOD answered: “Man I’d love to answer your prayers, but the time you made love last night, you got pregnant, so you have to wait for nine months to change.

Funny +59
-23 Not Funny
05/21/2023 from DailyJokes
#17149

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy:

‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good-looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Nah, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

Funny +50
-32 Not Funny
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