08/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17410
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
“Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
“All right buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,
“The balcony.”
08/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17407
There was an old man who was known for his wisdom.
One day, a young man approached him and asked,
“Sir, what is the secret to a long and happy life?”
The old man replied,
“Well, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. Second, you need to surround yourself with people you love and who love you. And finally, you need to keep your mind active
and always be learning something new.”
The young man was impressed and asked,
“And how old are you, sir?”
The old man replied,
“I’m 100 years old.”
The young man was amazed and asked,
” And what’s your secret to living so long?”
The old man grinned and said,
“I lie about my age!”
08/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17404
An old man applies for a job as a woodcutter,
but the boss doesn’t think he’s fit enough.
He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing.
To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five-foot tree with his ax, and it falls over.
The boss is impressed.
The old man then repeats this with a ten-foot tree.
Then a thirty-foot tree. Finally, he takes his ax up to an 80-foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down.
The boss is amazed and asks the man how he learned to do that.
The man says “I practiced in the Sahara forest.”
“Don’t you mean the Sahara desert?” The boss asks.
“Well yes,” says the old man, “that’s what they call it now.”
08/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17402
“In the Bible states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. This is God’s word so it is true.”
The doctor looked at the priest funny and said.
“You cannot be serious, I have been in practice for years and life begins at birth when you breathe your first breath of air.”
The priest and doctor continued to argue their point and as others began to shift their attention to their conversation, the old man spoke.
“You are both wrong, my wife and I fully agree that life begins when your kids finally move out of the house!”
08/04/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17399
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs on it.
He hit a stone and fell down along with the cycle.
The eggs also fell down and broke.
A crowd gathered around the boy.
As usual, free advice started flowing from the onlookers
“Couldn’t you be more careful?”
“What is this, you are cycling, casually without attention?”
An old man approached the crowd saw what had happened and said
“Poor fellow this boy has to answer the Owner of the shop . Ok I will help him, as much as I can”…… saying this handed over Rs500/- to the boy.
And also said, “These onlookers are good people, they will not only give advice, but they will help you by giving money also, accept their help”.
The onlookers observing the sayings of the old man and his actions gave money to the boy.
The boy was very happy since the money collected was much more than the value of the eggs broken.
One of the onlookers asked the boy
“Young man if that old man was not around, I do not know what difficulties you would have faced with your owner”
The boy smiled and replied
“Sir, that old man is the owner of the shop, where I work.