12/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17850
An elderly guy sticks his head in the barbershop and asks,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says,
“About two hours.”
The elderly guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
“How long before I get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says,
“About two hours.”
The elderly guy leaves.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says,
“About an hour and a half.”
The elderly guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
“Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.”
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?”
Bill looked up and said,
“To your house.”
12/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17846
A city boy driving through the country passes a chicken farm and he is doing 55 mph.
A chicken runs by and passes him inside of his fenced in field.
He thinks wow that is amazing.
He stops and pulls into the barnyard where he sees the farmer.
He said to the farmer
” I was driving along the road out there and one of your chickens passed me in my car.”
The farmer replies,
” I know, I raise chickens and never seem to have enough chicken legs for the poultry plant, so I have genetically produced a chicken with three legs.”
The city boy replies,
“wow that is fantastic, you ought to be rich now. How do they taste?”
The farmer replies
” Don’t know, never been able to catch one!”
12/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17843
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend.
“It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed.
“But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”
“Well,” the husband said,
“we changed our plans because, uh…”
His wife cut in,
“Oh, tell the truth, Fred!”
He fell silent, and she continued,
“You know, it’s just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”
12/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17839
An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.
“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.
“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.
“No food agrees with me,” said the man.
“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor.
“The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”
“My back is giving me trouble,” persisted the man.
“Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”
“Old age,” said the doctor.
This was too much for the man.
“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age’,” he screamed.
“If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”
“See how easily you lost your temper,” said the doctor.
“That is another characteristic of old age.”
At last, the old man slaps him, and the doctor asks,
“Why did you slap me?”
Old man said “This is also due to old age, you see”
12/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17836
A wise old man was sitting at the river bank.
He saw a cat that had fallen into the river struggling to save itself from drowning.
The man decided to save the cat.
He stretched out his hand towards the cat but the cat scratched him.
He pulled his hand back in pain.
However, a few minutes later he stretched out his hand again to save the cat, but it scratched him again, and again he pulled his hand back in pain.
A few minutes later he was again trying for the third time!
A man, who was nearby watching what was happening, yelled out,
“O wise man, you have not learned your lesson the first time, nor the second time, and now you are trying to save the cat a third time?”
The wise man paid no heed to that man’s scolding and kept on trying until he managed to save the cat.
He then walked over to the man and patted his shoulder saying:
“My son It is in the cat’s nature to scratch, and it is in my nature to love and have sympathy.
Why do you want me to let the cat’s nature overcome mine?
“My son, treat people according to your nature, not according to theirs, no matter what they are like and no matter how numerous their actions that harm you and cause you pain sometimes. And do not pay heed to all the voices that loudly call out to you to leave behind your good qualities merely because the other party is not deserving of your noble actions.
So never regret the moments you gave happiness to someone, even if that person did not deserve it.
Jesus treats us according to His nature, just think where we would be if He were to treat us as per our nature.
That is why He saves us in spite of ourselves.