Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.

The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?”

“Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”

“Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

A Husband And Wife Went To Have Dinner At A 5-Star Restaurant

As the waiter comes with their food, the husband says

“Our food has arrived! Let’s eat it!”

The wife reminds him

“Honey, you always say your prayers at home before eating our dinner!”

The husband says

“That’s at home but here the chef knows how to cook food.”

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity centre.

These two were at the same table, across from one another.

As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,

“Will you marry me?”

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered.

“Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”

He couldn’t remember.

Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,

“When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say,

“Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued,

“And I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity centre.

These two were at the same table, across from one another.

As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,

“Will you marry me?”

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered.

“Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”

He couldn’t remember.

Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,

“When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say,

“Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued,

“And I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.

The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.”

“Why does the parrot cost so much?” asks the customer.

The owner says, “Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research.”

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000.

Needless to say, this aroused the question, “What can it do?”

To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”