Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy,

“I think it’s wonderful that, after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth, he said. “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

“Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.

” The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ Socrates’ teachings.” With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked,”Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!” With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?” The Devil inspected the seat and said,”The third hole from the right.” “Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.” And the idiot went to heaven.

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl’s place for a drink.

A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.

He then took off his socks and washed his hands.

The girl looked at him and said, “You must be a dentist!”

Flabbergasted, the guy responded, “Why yes. That’s amazing. How did you determine that?”

The woman replied, “Easy… you keep washing your hands.”

Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and… (*snip*)

After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked, “You must be a GREAT dentist!”

The guy was very surprised, and said ‘Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist… You amaze me! And how did you know THAT, my dear?

His lover said, “That’s easy. I didn’t feel a thing.”