09/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17532
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says,
“Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ givin’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says,
“That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘im, but I’M KEEPIN’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says,
“I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says,
“Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says,
“I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says,
“Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says,
“Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
09/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17530
Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space,
When a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for.
Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth,
‘I was about to park there.’
The man looked at her with disdain and replied,
‘That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.’
This annoyed Elsie even more, so she got back in her car, backed it up and then she stamped on the accelerator and rammed straight into his BMW.
The young man ran back to his car and shouted in a stunned voice,
‘What did you do that for?’
Elsie smiled at him and said,
‘That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich.’
09/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17526
Two donkeys were talking about their owners:
The first one said
“My owner is so harassing, he beats me often”
The second donkey:
“Why don’t you leave your owner?”
First donkey:
“I was thinking about it, but he has a very good-looking daughter, and whenever she does something mischievous, he says that he would get her married to some donkey, and I am
just waiting for that to happen.”
09/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17522
A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning.
After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.
He looked up at his dad and asked:
“How do fish breath underwater?”
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied,
“I really don’t know, son.”
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked,
“How does our boat float on the water?”
Once again his dad replied, “Don’t know, son.”
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, his dad replied. “Don’t know, son.”
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time
“Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?”
“Of course not son.” replied his dad,
“How else are you ever going to learn anything?”
09/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17519
A wealthy man walked into a bar in Miami.
As soon as he entered, he noticed an old woman, sitting in one corner.
He walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted,
“Bartender! I’m buying drinks for everyone in this bar, except that woman over there!”
The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the old woman.
Instead of becoming upset, the woman simply looked up at the guy and shouted,
“Thank you!”
This infuriated the wealthy guy.
So once again, he took out his wallet and shouted,
“Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!”
The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the old woman.
When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, the Old woman simply smiled at the man and said, Thank you!”
That made him furious.
So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender,
“What is wrong with that woman? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and shouts
‘Thank you.’ Is she mad”
The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said,
“No, she is not mad. She is the OWNER of this Restaurant .”