09/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17546
A game show host is talking to a rabbit
The host looks at his question card.
“Okay, here is your first question: What is 7 plus 5?”
“Twelve”, replied the rabbit.
“That’s correct! Now for question 2: What is 56 minus 37?”
The rabbit thought for a moment. “Nineteen”
“That’s correct! Okay, now here is your grand prize question:
How much is 1,297 times 142?”
And without skipping a beat, the rabbit immediately replied,
“184,174, what else?”
The host is surprised.
“That’s correct! But tell me, how did you get the final answer so quickly?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” said the rabbit.
“If there’s one thing us rabbits can do, it’s multiply!”
09/17/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17543
A farmer had a problem with foxes stealing his chickens,
so he decided to get a guard dog.
He went to the pet shop and asked for a fierce dog that would protect his chickens.
The shopkeeper showed him a tiny Chihuahua and said,
“This is the best guard dog you can get.”
The farmer was sceptical and asked,
“How can this little thing guard my chickens?”
The shopkeeper said,
“Trust me, he’s very smart and very vicious. Just try it out.”
The farmer took the Chihuahua home and put him in the chicken coop.
The next morning, he went to check on his chickens and saw that all of them were gone.
He also saw the Chihuahua lying on the ground, covered in feathers and licking his lips.
The farmer was furious and shouted,
“You stupid dog! You ate all my chickens!”
The Chihuahua looked up at him and said,
“I told you I was a good guard dog. I just didn’t say who I was guarding them from.”
09/16/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17541
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,
So he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey.
It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,
“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
09/15/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17539
“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane.
“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable?
Do you see the dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice
“Hi, Grandma!” It just gets me all teary-eyed.”
After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much.
“You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! Tell me..what do you think about my Grandson!”
09/14/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17536
A man and his wife were driving down the road and talking.
The wife asked her husband,
“Honey if I were to die, would you get remarried?”
The husband thought for a moment and then said,
“Well, yes I think I would.”
The wife wasn’t too happy about this, she spent some time in quiet thought.
Then, after a while she said,
“Honey, if I were to die and you were to get remarried, would you give your new wife my jewelry?”
“Well honey, I guess I would.”
The wife wasn’t too happy about this either.
She spent a little more time in thought while they continued their drive and then said,
“Honey, if I were to die and you were to get remarried, would you give your new wife my handbags?”
The husband paused for a moment and then said,
“Well sure, I think I would.”
The wife was again a little dismayed with this and spent a little more time in thought.
Then she said to her husband,
“Honey if I were to die and you were to get married again would you give your new wife my golf clubs?”
“No,” he said,
“she’s left-handed.”