Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A boy decides to learn the language of all animals.

– Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

Fathers agree and give him money

After a year, the son returns home and the father decides to test his skills

-Son, did you learn the language?

-Yes father. Do you hear the cow mooing? She says that she is about to give you 10 litres of milk.

-That’s impossible, this cow can give no more than a litre.

Dad milked the cow and it actually gave him 10 litres of milk

Dad’s super confused but decided that it was a coincidence

-Do you hear that hen? She says that she is about to lay 5 eggs now

-That’s impossible, that hen has never laid any eggs before.

Dad still goes there and checks for the eggs and there actually are 5 eggs laid

Dad is confused but starts to believe his son

The second day son sees a donkey running away from his dad and hee-hawing.

Dad trying to pull up his trousers and chase the donkey and screaming to his son:

– Don’t trust this donkey, she’s lying, don’t believe it son.

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire show every year,

And every year Bill would say,

” Blanche, I’d like to ride in that there ‘elicopter “

Blanche always replied,

” I know Bill, but that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, And twenty quid is twenty quid ! “

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

” Blanche, I’m 75 years old. If I don’t ride that there ‘elicopter, I might never get another chance “

To this, Blanche replied,

” Bill that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid “

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

” I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s

twenty quid. “

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

” By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t..I’m impressed! “

Bill replied,

” Well, to tell you t’truth I almost said summat when Blanche fell out, But tha’ knows, twenty quid is twenty quid”

An old hunter was on his way back to the village holding a dead goose he caught.

He met a scammer from another village on the way.

The scammer decided to try his skills on the hunter.

The scammer claimed that the goose was his goose that laid one golden egg every day and now hunter must compensate him for his loss.

To the scammer surprise, hunter apologized without disputing the ridiculous claim.

But said he would like a judge to determine the amount he owes the scammer.

They both agreed to take the matter to the village chief for a fair decision.

Scammer thought he had nothing to lose and took him to his village.

Scammer presented his claim to the chief.

Then hunter made the scammer swore in front of the chief that the goose had been giving him golden eggs and how long it had been.

The scammer repeated the claim and said it had been over a year.

The old man then claimed that he was a very wealthy person from another village and he had been hunting for this goose for over a year and he just caught it.

The goose had been stealing one golden egg a day from his vault.

He then asked the judge to seize all the scammer assets.

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess,

“I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One k*** from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the

castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,

she kept laughing and saying,

“I don’t THINK so.

A dog and a cat were having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

The dog says,

“Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”

The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”