Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down.

The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down.

The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.

He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went ‘boing!’ and the kitten instantly sailed through the air – out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible.

He walked all over the neighbourhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten.

No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.

So he prayed, ‘Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,’ and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members.

He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.

This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?’

She replied, ‘You won’t believe this,’ and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.

Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl,

‘Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.’

She told the pastor, ‘I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat.

And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes:

A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.’

Moral of the story:
Never underestimate the power of God and His unique sense of humour.

A man prepares his donkey and dog for a long journey up a mountain.

He places a pack straddle on the donkey’s back and fills everything to maximum weight.

Because of the weight, he decides to pull the donkey along so that it does not become tired as easily.

The man, donkey, and his guard dog now begin the long trip up a mountain to get to the other side.

Hours into their long and quiet trip, the man becomes very tired.

He stops the donkey and decides that he is going to ride it.

Just as he starts to mount the donkey, out of nowhere the donkey says,

“STOP! I’m SICK OF BEING YOUR MULE! I HATE YOU! STOP USING ME!”

The man is bewildered, as he has never once before heard an animal speak, and takes off running as fast as he can back down the mountain, with the dog

right behind him.

As he gets to the bottom in record time, he stops and catches his breath.

He is beyond scared and says in a scared tone,

“Whoa, I have never heard a donkey speak before.”

The dog replies,

“Me neither.”

Husband and wife got into a spat.

so the wife called up her mom and said,

“He argued with me again, I am coming to live with you.”

Mom said,

“No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you”.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said,”When i get to heaven i will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied,”Then you ask him.”

A small boy named Dave lived in the local village.

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him.

“Dave… you are driving me crazy!”

One day Dave’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career!

The mother was shocked at this feedback and withdrew her son from the school and even moved to another town!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an acute cardio disease!

All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, of which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher finally decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she eventually opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a tall handsome Doctor smiling down at her!

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The Doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Dave, working as a cleaner in the Hospital Ward, who had unplugged

the oxygen equipment to connect his Vacuum!

Don’t tell me you thought that Dave became a doctor! Sometimes I worry about you.