06/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18456
A husband and wife get up on Sunday morning.
After breakfast, the wife notices that her husband isn’t dressed for church.
“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”
“Simple. I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why I’m not going.
First of all, the church is cold in the morning.
It’s just cold. Second, no one there likes me.
Everyone is always talking about me behind my back.
And third, most important of all, I just don’t feel like going!”
“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why you ARE going.
First of all, the church isn’t cold in the morning; it’s warm.
Second, I think, or I’m pretty sure, that there are some people there who do like you, and third you’re the minister, so get dressed.”
05/31/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18452
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the intercom,
“This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in
Toronto.”
He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole plane can hear his conversation with his co-pilot.
The copilot says to the pilot,
“Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?”
“Well,” says the skipper,
“first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big cr@@@@@p . . . then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for dinner . . . . then I’m
gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night long!”
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the isles, trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.
She’s so embarrassed that she tries to run to the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and falls on her face.
The old lady leans over and says:
“No need to hurry, dear. He’s gonna take a sh!!!!!!!t first.”
05/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18449
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on
who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said,
“I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!”
The ant said,
“I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!”
Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn
to say something…
05/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18445
Wife: I heard you have a new secretary today?
Husband: yes.
Wife: Is she smart?
Husband: yes.
Wife: Is she pretty?
Husband: yes.
Wife: How did she dress today?
Husband:Very quickly.
05/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18441
A young couple moves into a new neighbourhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
The young woman sees her neighbour hanging the wash outside…
“That laundry is not very clean”, she said.
“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
“Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.”
The husband said,
“I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.