05/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18437
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.
They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.
The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half.
He places one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife.
He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them.
As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering
“That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”
As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table.
He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man replies that they’re just fine – they’re just used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman says “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”
As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks
“May I ask what is it you are waiting for?”
The old woman answers
“The teeth.”
05/26/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18434
A man was in hurry to catch a train in time.
So he asks a farmer near a field,
“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says,
“Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
05/25/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18431
A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university.
She says to the children
“Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now.”
After a little while Johnny stands up.
The teacher asks him
“why did you stand up Johnny? Do you really think you are stupid?”
Johnny replies
“No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself”.
05/24/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18427
An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing.
He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she won’t hear of it.
He decides to prove to her there’s something wrong with her hearing.
He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs,
“Honey, what’s for supper?”
No answer. He goes downstairs and yells
“Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no answer.
He enters the living room and yells again
“Honey, what’s for supper?” No answer.
He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells
“What’s for supper?” and still, no answer.
Finally, he stands right behind her and asks
“Honey. What’s. For. Supper?!” and she turns around and says
“Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!”
05/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18423
A six-year-old boy was standing with his father in front of the polar bear enclosure at the zoo.
The father was telling the boy how dangerous polar bears were and that, of all the animals in the zoo, they were the ones that the keepers feared most.
Eventually, the boy said:
“Dad, what if the polar bear escapes and eats you up…?”
Yes, son?”
“Which bus do I catch home?”