Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A boy decides to learn the language of all animals.

– Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

Fathers agree and give him money

After a year, the son returns home and the father decides to test his skills

-Son, did you learn the language?

-Yes father. Do you hear the cow mooing? She says that she is about to give you 10 litres of milk.

-That’s impossible, this cow can give no more than a litre.

Dad milked the cow and it actually gave him 10 litres of milk

Dad’s super confused but decided that it was a coincidence

-Do you hear that hen? She says that she is about to lay 5 eggs now

-That’s impossible, that hen has never laid any eggs before.

Dad still goes there and checks for the eggs and there actually are 5 eggs laid

Dad is confused but starts to believe his son

The second day son sees a donkey running away from his dad and hee-hawing.

Dad trying to pull up his trousers and chase the donkey and screaming to his son:

– Don’t trust this donkey, she’s lying, don’t believe it son.

An old man and a 20 year old are paired together at a golf tournament.

They’re playing a long par 5 that dog legs around some tall trees.

As the 20 year old sets up his tee shot to hit onto the fairway the old man notes

“when I was your age we used to hit over the trees – not around to the side.”

So the 20 year old readjusts and tries to hit over the trees – but can’t clear them and loses his ball. He tries again and loses that one too…

Then the old man says

“of course, when I was your age, the trees were only 6 foot tall.”

A couple were in a busy shopping centre just before Christmas.

The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and they both had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.

The wife said…

” Where are you, you know we have lots to do.”

He said…

“You remember the jewellery store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day

I would get it for you?”

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up…

“Yes, I do remember that shop,” she replied.

“Well… I am in the gun shop next door to that.”

As a group of frogs was traveling through the woods, two of them fell into a deep pit.

When the other frogs crowded around the pit and saw how deep it was, they told the two frogs that there was no hope left for them.

However, the two frogs decided to ignore what the others were saying and they proceeded to try and jump out of the pit.

Despite their efforts, the group of frogs at the top of the pit were still saying that they should just give up.

That they would never make it out.

Eventually, one of the frogs took heed to what the others were saying and he gave up, falling down to his death.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said,

“Did you not hear us?”

The frog explained to them that he was deaf.

He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

Moral of the story:
People’s words can have a big effect on others’ lives. Think about what you say before it comes out of your mouth.

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.

The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?”

“Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”

“Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”