Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of

“When does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.

The doctor looked at the priest funny and said,

“You cannot be serious, I have been in practice for years and life begins at birth when you breathe your first breath of air.”

The priest and doctor continue to argue their point and as others began to shift their attention to their conversation, the old man spoke.

“You are both wrong, my wife and I fully agree that life begins when your kids finally move out of the house”.

Yesterday I received a friend request from a young attractive guy, about 19-20 years old:

I was curious. I wanted to know why someone that young wanted to be my FB friend.

So I accepted it. Then he started sending me private messages.

He called me beautiful. He asked my age.

I’m not a liar so I told him and reminded him I’m quite a bit his senior.

And I let him talk a bit cuz (truth be told) flattery ain’t all bad.

We kept chatting for a while and within a short time, he asked if we could talk about ‘ad####lt things’.

I said ok.

Then He said ‘thank you, babe, you start.”

So I did! I told him adult things like I have arthritis and my knees and how it hurts badly.

My back acts up when it is cold outside.

I explained that I have crazy insomnia. And I didn’t forget to tell him that I have a pacemaker.

And of course, I told him about the laxatives. Can’t forget that.

I also didn’t forget to tell him that I have good quality dentures

I was as honest as I could be about ‘AD@@@@@LT THINGS’ but I don’t understand why he blocked me!

A man owns a rabbit farm and is known around the world for his rabbits who can lift more than any man.

A little boy asks him “How do you keep your rabbits so strong?”

The man replies, “It’s no secret.”

He pulls out a bottle of shampoo and says,

“Keeps your hares strong!”

A plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately, the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions:

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Checking the system.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Looking for my people.”

Officer: “After 10′ minutes what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Serving the travellers.”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Eating & throwing.”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Makeup.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Nothing.”

Officer: “Just before the plane crash what were the travellers doing?”

Monkey: “All were sleeping.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the air hostess.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering!”

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time,

So the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly,

“Good morning, Johnny.”

“Good morning, Pastor,”

he replied, still focused on the plaque.

“Pastor, what is this?”

The pastor replied,

“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Johnny’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

“Which service, the 8:00 or the 9:30?”