Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says:

“Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediately says:

“We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks: “And what are those?”

The Aussie, fed up with the bragging, asks with an incredulous look:

A Texas farmer takes a vacation to Australia“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

One man’s marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage.

“Well,” his friend says, “you can always have an affair.”

“I can’t do that! I will always be faithful to her.” the troubled man replies.

“If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won’t be cheating.”

The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement.

“Honey,” his wife says, “that won’t help our marriage. Believe me, I already tried it.”

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar.

It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.

As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.

The man thinks

“hmmmm… all these sevens… I think the universe is trying to tell me something.”

So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track.

He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called “Lucky Universe”.

The man can’t believe it.

He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.

The horse came in seventh.

A bat teaches his three children how to suck blood…

After teaching them, he orders them away to test their abilities

The first of the children return, filled with blood on his mouth, and says

“Dad, do you see that cow?”

“Yes, I do son”

“So, I sucked it’s blood”, the first one replies

The second one comes later, with even more blood on his face, and says

“Dad, do you see that horse?”, he asks

“Yes, I do, son”

“So, I sucked its blood”

Finally, the third one returns, with even more blood on his face, and says,

“Dad, do you see that wall?”

“Yes, I do, son”, replies the father

“I didn’t”

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York.

He was mugged by a gang of snails.

A police detective came to investigate.

They asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied:

“I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”