Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains.

Neither one could account for his trouble.

Arriving home from work one night, he informed her.

“I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies,

“Nope.”

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger’s legs.

As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells,

“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”

The old man mutters,

“Ain’t my dog.”

A Drow Elf, a High Elf, and a Wood Elf were stranded on a desert island.

They found an old lamp, rubbed it to clean it, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

“I will grant you three wishes,” proclaimed the genie,

“one for each of you.”

“I wish to return to my city!” said the High Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his home.

“I wish to return to the forest!” said the Wood Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his forest kingdom.

The Drow Elf looked around at the desert island, utterly alone, and unable to return to his home after his exile.

“I’m lonely,” he said, “I wish they’d both come back!”

There once was an elderly man who sold flowers in a small town and did quite well for himself.

Across the street some monks opened a flower shop as well and gave all their profits to charity and underpriced the man.

The man had to do something or lose his business so at first he begged.

But nothing he tried got them to leave.

He then hired a man named Hugh who promised to solve his problem.

The next morning the monks were packing up and moving away.

Moral of the story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Two men were waiting at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them started complaining about his family problems.

After listening for a while, the other man said,

“You think you have family problems? Let me tell you about mine…

A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married.

Then, my dad married my stepdaughter.

That made my stepdaughter my stepmother, and my dad became my stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became the mother-in-law to her own father-in-law.

But it gets more complicated. My stepmother—who is my stepdaughter—had a son.

This boy is my half-brother because he’s my dad’s son, but he’s also my wife’s grandson.

That makes me the grandfather of my own half-brother!

It didn’t stop there. My wife and I later had a son.

So now, the half-sister of my son—my stepmother—is also his grandmother.

And my dad, who is his brother-in-law, is the stepbrother of my dad’s wife!”

The other man blinked, trying to process everything, before finally fainting from the confusion.