Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Little Johnny: Hello Teacher, let me ask you a question.

Teacher: Okay.

Little Johnny: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: You can’t it’s too big.

Little Johnny: Wrong. All you have to do is open the fridge and put it in there.

Teacher: Hm. Okay then.

Little Johnny: Let me ask you another question. How do put a Donkey inside that fridge?

Teacher: Easy you just open the door and put it in there.

Little Johnny: Wrong again. You have to take the Elephant out first then put the Donkey in the fridge.

Teacher: Uh okay.

Little Johnny: Next question. If a Lion had a birthday party and all the animals went to it, what animal is missing?

Teacher: All of them because the Lion eats them.

Little Johnny: Wrong, the Donkey is missing because he’s still in the fridge.

Teacher: Are you kidding me?

Little Johnny: Okay last question. If you’re at a River and crocodiles live in it, how do you get across?

Teacher: You build a boat and float across. If you try to swim across you will be eaten.

Little Johnny: Nope. All you have to do is swim across because all the animals went to Lion’s birthday party.

Teacher: Get out.

The car speed off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.

A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.

“Good lord, mister,” he gasped,

“Are you drunk?”

Of course,” said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit.

“What the hell do you think I am…

A STUNT DRIVER?”

Little Johnny had to take care of his baby sister while his mum and dad went shopping.

To pass the time he decided to go fishing and reluctantly took his little sister along.

“I’ll never do that again”, Little Johnny said to his mum, “I didn’t catch a thing”!

His mum said “Oh, next time I’m sure your little sister will be quiet and not frighten the fish away”.

Little Johnny said,

“It wasn’t that. She ate all the fxxxing bait”.

A man and his wife are driving down the road when they hit a baby skunk.

“It’s still alive!” The wife exclaimed, looking back at the poor skunk.

“Alright, I’ll just go back and hit it again, put it out of its misery,” the husband replied.

“No don’t, it’s just a baby! We have to call the vet!”

The husband waits patiently while the wife gets out to talk to the vet.

“Is it bleeding?” The vet asked.

“No, but it’s shaking a lot.”

“That means it’s going into shock,” the vet concluded,

“Cover him up and bring him in as soon as you can.”

“But sir it’s 80 degrees out I don’t have a jacket or anything to cover him with,” the wife explained.

“Ok, just put him between your legs to keep him stable for the ride over.” The vet replied calmly

“What about the smell?” The wife asked.

“The smell? Just cover his nose!”

A couple was having quarrel in a lodge and the man calls the manager and says,

“I’m having an argument with my wife, and now she wants to jump out the window.”

“please come fast”

Manager: “I am sorry sir this is your personal issue,please solve it by yourself.”

Husband: “The window is not opening, this is not a personal issue this is a maintenance issue.