Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked,

“Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Thomas replied,

“Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says,

“I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says,

“Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Thomas answers,

“Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said,

“Then what’s the problem?”

Thomas replied,

“My father doesn’t like her.”

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains.

Neither one could account for his trouble.

Arriving home from work one night, he informed her.

“I finally discovered why I’ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I’ve been sitting in the wastebasket.”

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

“Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks.

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies,

“Nope.”

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger’s legs.

As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells,

“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!”

The old man mutters,

“Ain’t my dog.”

A Drow Elf, a High Elf, and a Wood Elf were stranded on a desert island.

They found an old lamp, rubbed it to clean it, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

“I will grant you three wishes,” proclaimed the genie,

“one for each of you.”

“I wish to return to my city!” said the High Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his home.

“I wish to return to the forest!” said the Wood Elf. Poof, he was teleported back to his forest kingdom.

The Drow Elf looked around at the desert island, utterly alone, and unable to return to his home after his exile.

“I’m lonely,” he said, “I wish they’d both come back!”

There once was an elderly man who sold flowers in a small town and did quite well for himself.

Across the street some monks opened a flower shop as well and gave all their profits to charity and underpriced the man.

The man had to do something or lose his business so at first he begged.

But nothing he tried got them to leave.

He then hired a man named Hugh who promised to solve his problem.

The next morning the monks were packing up and moving away.

Moral of the story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.