Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man well into his seventies asks his wife:

“Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?”

“Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary,

Mary added To this

“our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!”

A male and female whale are swimming together in the ocean.

The male whale says,

“You know, all the world is working to save our species.

Environmental groups are working hard, Greenpeace is doing everything they can…

but you still don’t feel like going on a date with me?”

Two pigeons are sitting on a roof, watching the world.

One of them notices a jet plane roaring high up at the sky. ?

He nudges his friend,

”Wow, would you look at that! Look how fast he is!”

The other one shrugs,

“You’d fly like the blazes too if somebody lit your b####t on fire.“

A guy walks up to a caretaker in a dog shelter:

“I’d like to adopt a dog. Do you have one that’s really loyal?”

The caretaker nods,

“Absolutely, you should take Danny over there.”

The man is pleased,

“Excellent. And you’re sure he’s really loyal?”

“Ah, you won’t find a dog more loyal than that. I placed him 5 times these past few months and he’s always come back!”

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited:

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her,

“Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”

The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house,

“Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!”