Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A small boy name Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy Hameed!”

One day Hameed’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly that her son is simply a disaster, always getting very low marks and that even she shad never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career! The mother was shocked at the feedback and immediately withdrew her son from the school and moved to another town.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to sell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,
when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover.

… don’t tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor!?!!

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door.

They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?”

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team.

“Can you tackle?” asked the coach.

“Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” said the coach.

“I’m impressed. Can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” said the freshman.

He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

“Great!” enthused the coach.

“But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.

“Well, sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber.

“That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.

Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

“Thank you, I baked it myself.