09/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18924
A 72-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his age.
A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking the doctor,
“Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
The doctor asked,
“Well, do you smoke or drink beer?”
“Oh no,” Edgar replied, “I’ve never done either.”
Then the doctor asked,
“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barb-qued ribs?”
Edgar said, “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?” the doctor asked.
“No, I don’t,” Edgar replied.
Then the doctor asked,
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?”
“No,” Edgar said,
“I don’t do any of those things.”
The good doctor looked at Edgar and said,
“Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?”
09/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18885
Two sharks are swimming along in the ocean.
When they spot a windsurfer.
The one shark said to the other shark.
“Ooh, look, a snack!”
Cheers up the first one.
The second one nods appreciatively,
“And on a nice little plate with a napkin, even!”
09/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18882
A man asks a farmer near a field,
As He is in hurry,
“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says,
“Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
09/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18880
A little old lady answered a knock on her door one day to find a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man.
“If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I’d like to demonstrate the latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
The old lady responded,
“Go away! I don’t have any money,” and began to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty! Let me show you what this vacuum can do.”
He then dumped a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove every trace of this mess, I’ll eat the rest of it myself.”
The old lady stepped back, smiled, and said,
“Well, I hope you’ve got a big appetite because they cut off my electricity this morning!”
09/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18878
Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning:
Windows are totally frozen, will not open.
Husband replies:
“Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
15 minutes later, the wife texts back:
“Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”