Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said,

“What was that?”

The guy smiled at her,

“Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

A man eagerly waited at the train station to pick up his mother-in-law, who was visiting for the first time in a while.

After spotting her, he greeted her with a smile and helped load her heavy suitcases into the car.

As they drove in silence for a while, the man nervously asked,

“So, how long are you planning to stay with us?”

His mother-in-law, with a knowing smile, replied,

“I’m planning to stay as long as you want me to!”

The man thought for a moment, smiled back, and said,

“What, so short?”

Little Johnny is riding with his Uncle Bob in his new Mercedes.

Johnny points at the star emblem on the front and asks,

“Uncle Bob, what’s that star for?”

Uncle Bob grins and says,

“Oh, that’s my guide—it helps me stay on course.”

A few minutes later, Uncle Bob narrowly misses a cyclist, and Little Johnny laughs,

“Good thing it’s there! Without it, we might need more than just a map!”

A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the many posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.

The agent had been having a pretty good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop,

“I know that on your pensions you could never hope to have a holiday like these, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.

Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!

About a month later the little old lady came into his shop.

“And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly.

“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,” she said.

“I’ve come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me,” she said.

“Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?”

A man dreams that he is a chicken.

He walks around the farm and is quite happy pecking on some corn.

Suddenly he feels a big pressure in his stomach.

He asks the other chickens what it could be and he is told that this is quite normal.

He just has to push and out will come an egg.

So he does that. But even though the egg is out, he still feels a strong pressure.

So he asks the other chickens and they say that he has to push some more; that sometimes, chickens lay more than one egg.

So he keeps on pushing and laying one egg after the other.

Suddenly he feels the whole world shaking like in an earthquake.

Out of the sky comes a booming voice of his wife:

“WTF! Wake up!!! You p@ped all over the bed!!!”