05/28/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20555
An attorney called and asked to speak to his client, a wealthy art collector.
He said, “Matt, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”
The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an absolutely rotten day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between 15 to 20 million dollars, and I think she might be right.”
Matt perked up and replied, “Amazing! My wife is such a brilliant businesswoman, isn’t she?
You’ve just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”
“The pictures are of you and your secretary.”
05/27/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20548
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “This is the third time I’ve been in this bar.”
“Really?” says the bartender.
“In 1982, I came in the day before my wedding. I was nervous. I was unsure. In retrospect, I was lacking confidence in myself, in my future.”
“Fair enough,” says the bartender.
“Over 40 years later, I came back… the day after my wife died. It’s amazing how life can change. How every uncertainty can become the past. How the unknown can come to mean… everything.”
The bartender doesn’t know what to say.
But the man continues. “Those were the two most important days of my life,” he says.
The two stand in silence for a moment.
“Well then,” says the bartender, “what brings you here today?”
“As fate would have it,” the man replies, “I forgot my umbrella.”
05/26/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20545
A politician has a rally in a small town…
He asks, “What can the government do for you?”
A man says, “We basically have two problems….
The first one is… we have no doctor in town.”
The politician immediately pulls out his iPhone, dials a number, and has a short conversation.
He hangs up and says, “Settled, there will be a doctor here from tomorrow on…
What’s the second problem?”
“We don’t have a mobile phone signal…”
05/25/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20540
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day, a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later, they meet again, and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
05/24/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20537
A father, mother and their young son went out to spend time on the beach on a hot summer’s day.
As soon as they reached the beach they discovered that there was a black flag there, a sign not to enter the water.
The boy really wanted to get in the water, but his mother did not agree and they stayed on the beach to rest in the sun and play in the sand.
After a few minutes, the father got bored and turned to his wife, “Keep an eye on the boy, I’m going into the water, there’s no way the sea is really that dangerous.”
The boy asked, “Mom, why did you let dad get in the water and not me?”
“Because you and your father are two different people; there are things he can do and you can’t,” answered the mother.
“Is it because dad knows how to swim really well?” asked the boy.
“Not really,” answered the mother.
“Is it because dad is big and strong?”
“No.”
“Then why is daddy allowed to enter the water and I’m not?” the boy complained.
“Because daddy has life insurance,” his mother replied.