Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender…

“Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah?” said Charlie. “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Mike replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really,” said Charlie, “now that’s a switch! What did she say?”

“She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’”

A lawyer sold his well to an old man.

Two days later, the lawyer came to the old man and said, “Sir, I sold you the well, but not the water inside!

If you want to use the water, you will have to pay extra.”

The old man smiled and replied, “Yes, I was about to come to you. I was going to say that you should take your water from my well, or else you will have to start paying rent from tomorrow.”

John is in prison and gets a letter from his aging father who says he can’t dig the garden this year.

John writes back: “Whatever you do, don’t dig up the backyard.”

The next day, the cops dig up the yard looking for buried money—but find nothing.

John writes again: “Now you can plant your garden. It’s the best I could do from here.”

This man was on a train and this woman opposite looked at him and said, “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place…”

He asked, “Are you single?”

She replied, “No, I’m a dentist.”

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Dear, would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” replied the little girl, shyly.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie,” the woman said.

Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, “Dear Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner!?!”