Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees wasn’t in and had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper:

“Hello?”

“Is your daddy home?” He asked.

“Yes.” Whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?”

The child whispered. “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked. “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes .”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered. “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked.

“Is anybody else there?”

“Yes.” Whispered the child. “A policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked.

“May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy.” Whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.” Came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked.

“What is that noise?”

“A helicopter.” Answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” Demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered.

“The search team just landed a helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated the boss asked:

“What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…

“Me.”

Two elderly ladies have been friends for decades.

Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together.

Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said:

“Now don’t get mad at me – I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what it is.”

Her friend glared at her for a few minutes before replying,

“How soon do you need to know?”

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station.

The attendant asks the old man,

“Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.”

The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.”

Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband,

“What did he say, Papa ?”

The old man answers her,

“He asked us where we are from.”

“Oh,” replies the old woman.

The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires.

When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man,

“You know, the worst piece of *** I ever had was from Nebraska.”

The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks,

“What did he say, Papa ?”

The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.

Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in it now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.

So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says …….
“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…
Don’t mess with the old dogs…
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
******** and brilliance only come with age and experience.

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.

She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

Because he also told me he was an atheist.

“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”

Her mother replied,

“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”