09/27/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21211
A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters”.
They reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, “Good morning Brother.”
The Brother replies in a sing song voice, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The priest was very confused at this and goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, “Good morning Father.”
The priest replies in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, “Father …”
The young priest was not going to take any more, even from the Bishop. He looks at the Bishop and says, “No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The Bishop looks at him stunned and says “What?”
The priest realized his mistake and said “I am sorry your holiness, what is it you wanted.”
The bishop looks at him and says, “All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann’s shoes?”
09/25/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21205
Little Johnny used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn’t know what Little Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Little Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Little Johnny would always take the nickel — they said, because it was bigger.
One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, “Little Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel just because it’s bigger”
Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve saved $20…!”
09/26/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21203
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says,
“Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,
“Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The redhead in the middle.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
“I don’t like her.”
09/23/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21170
A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law dies.
They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it’ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.
The guy says, “We’ll ship her home.”
The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.”
The guy says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”
09/22/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21168
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”
The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”