Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and  besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied  something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful  Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she  fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check  stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes  enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing  in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly  go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the  car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet  and concluded after a few minutes that she didn’t have a bloody  clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with  her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait  saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

“That’s a lovely car,” said the mechanic. “What seems to be  the matter?

Judi replied, “Well, it just conked out I’m afraid.”

“Let me have look.” He set to work and ten minutes later the  engine was purring like a cat again.

“Thank goodness,” she said. “What was the matter?”

“Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,” he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, “Oh. How many times a week do  I have to do that?” 

How did we invent copper wire ? Two jews were trying to strech a penny.

your mama hair so short she roll her hair with rice

your face

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, “That was incredible!” He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.” So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?” “No.” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”