Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick. Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. “I can’t find it”, he admitted. The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said “yes” and goes on his way. Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher “I can’t find it”. Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Jon, “Well, did you find it?” Jon is quick with his reply: “Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards”

A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife
in bed with another man.
“Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?”
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, “I’d break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.”

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: “Stop! Stand
still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and
kill you.”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die.”
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him.
“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked…”And where were you when I got married?”