Daily Joke: Jokes Library

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “that’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”

The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special. She replied, “Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents.”

He said, “I’ll take a dozen!”

She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did. Then she said, “Are you ready for your first tale?”

He assured her he couldn’t wait. Then she began… “Once upon a time there was this little lobster…..”

“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar. He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”