Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The economy is terrible.

At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter…

Well, I’m down to my last quarter and they haven’t improved!

Two skydivers, Harold and Lester, jumped out of the plane and were having a conversation on the way down.

Lester: “I was in a hurry this morning, and I can’t remember if I asked you to pack my chute for me.”

Harold: “I’ve been pretty forgetful myself. I’m lucky I remembered to pack mine.”

Lester: “Wait a minute. You mean I forget to ask you to pack my chute for me?”

Harold: “No, silly. You didn’t forget to ask me to pack your chute. I’m the one who actually forgot to pack your chute!”

Lester: “Phew! Thank goodness, for a minute there I thought I was losing my mind!”

I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop.

“So, have you learned anything?” asked the cop.

“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it’s time to find a new way home from work.”

What do you call a dinosaur that turns small words into big words?

A Thesaurus!

Realizing at the last minute that it was his father’s birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card.

He quickly found a son-to-father card but neglected to read it carefully.

Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, “Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad. Now that I’m a father too . . .”