Daily Joke: Jokes Library

His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player.

The coach called him over and asked him, “If I put you in, can you play ruthless?”

“I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?”

A little boy called Ben was taken to the dentist.

Examination revealed that Ben had a cavity, which needed filling. “Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth, amalgam or composite?”

“I would prefer chocolate, please,” replied Ben.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’?”

My wife had mentioned several times that she hoped I could get our grass mowed this weekend. Well, I procrastinated a bit too long and while I was watching football on TV, there was a 37 yard pass with a spectacular catch for a go ahead touchdown.

I jumped up and shouted, “Oh my GOSH! Did you see that?!?!”

And my wife said, “Yes, I see… what a lovely lawn they have.”

My wife has been stressing the importance of punctuality to me recently. I made a point of picking her up early at the bridge club for the first time today.

You should have seen the shocked looks of the faces of the ladies when they found out I’m alive. Apparently my wife has been referring to me as her late husband.