Daily Joke: Jokes Library

You know a mother once told her ambitious wall street son, “Money will not make you happy.”

“That’s true mom, but it will make you miserable in a better environment.”

I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, ‘Thanks for putting up with me so long.’

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

“Just where do you think you going?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long.”

John and Tony were in the bar, pondering over Tony’s problems. “Andrea and I want to get married,” said Tony, “but we can’t find anywhere to live.”

“Why don’t you live with Andrea’s parents for a while?” suggested John.

“We can’t do that,” said Tony, “they’re living with their parents for a while too.”

A man was going bald and told his friends he was going to get a rabbit tattooed on his head as it was a lot cheaper than an implant or a toupée.

His friends asked how getting a rabbit tattooed on his head would help?

The man replied, “Well, at least from a distance it will look like hare.”

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, “So, how’s it going?”

The second one sighed and shook his head, “Not good, I can’t pay my bills, my health isn’t good, my kids don’t respect me, and my wife is leaving me.”

The first replied, “Well, don’t lose any sheep over it.”