Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man went camping in a state park. Before leaving his car to go hiking he left a note on the dashboard saying, “The stereo is broke.”

He did this to deter thieves from breaking into his older model car. When returning from his hike the man noticed his car window was broken and the stereo was cut from the dashboard.

A note was left by the thief saying, “We’ll fix it.”

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter son?” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean, ‘all wet’?” she asks.

“I mean,” he replied, “well below C-level.”

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.

“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

I’d been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester.

“You’ll get $24,” said the clerk.

“This is insane,” I protested as I wrote out the check.

“I know,” replied the clerk sympathetically. “I’ve always thought that a person who buys a book for $96 and then sells it back for $24 should fail the course.”

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?”

The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”