Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A very elderly couple were having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leaned forward and said softly to his wife: “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”

The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed: “Yes. Yes he did.”

The old man was very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asked:

“Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”

Again, the old woman dropped her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.

Then, finally, she said: “You.”

A wealthy man died and went to heaven.

He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.

They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street.

Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.

“This belongs to you,” said Saint Peter.

“Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in?” the man demanded.

“We did the best we could with the money you sent us!” Saint Peter replied.

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded, and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus.”

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

Somehow, some of the politicians survived, and continued to plead for someone to rescue them from beneath the earth.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

“Well,” The old farmer replied with a thoughtful expression, “some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying.

“I found out from the neighbors that you’ve been having an affair with that cheap secretary in your office! Why would you do that to me? Haven’t I always been a good wife? I’ve cooked for you, raised your children, and I’ve always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven’t I done to make you happy?”

Embarrassed, Morris confesses, “It’s true, Sadie, you’ve been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don’t moan when we make love!”

Sadie questions: “If I moaned when we had sex, you’d stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan!”

So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets. As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, “Now, Morris, should I moan now?”

“No, not yet.”

Morris begins fondling Sadie. “What about now, Morris? Should I moan now?”

“No, I’ll tell you when!”

He climbs on top of Sadie and begins to have intercourse.

“Is it time for me to moan, Morris?”

“Wait, I’ll tell you when.”

Moments later, in the heat of passion, Morris yells “Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!”

“OY! OY!” Moans Sadie. “You wouldn’t BELIEVE what a day I’ve had!”