Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper: “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?”

“Yes,” the professor answered.

“When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.”

“Well,” said the gatekeeper. “That is a very minor sin. You may enter.”

“Thank you very much, Saint Peter,” the professor answered.

“You’re welcome, but I am not Saint Peter,” said the gatekeeper. “He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.”

One day, on their 30-year anniversary, a fairy appeared at the home of a 60-year-old married couple and said to the husband: “I understood from your wife that you were a model husband throughout your marriage, and I would like to fulfill a wish of yours in honor of your anniversary.”

The husband smiled and said to his wife: “I am sorry my beloved wife, but such an opportunity won’t come again, “ He turned to the fairy and said, “For the next few years I want to spend time with a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy smiled and said, “That’s exactly what I thought you’d answer.”

The fairy winked at the woman, waved her magic wand, and turned the husband into a 90-year-old man.

A tourist climbed out of his hire-car in downtown Washington, D.C.

He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.

As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.

He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?”

“Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that. But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”

The following ad in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:

“Single female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play.

I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

Rub me the right way and watch me respond.

I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

Kiss me and I’m yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.”

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight week-old Labrador retriever.

One man was reading the newspaper in the afternoon when his wife suddenly came out from behind him and hit him in the head with the pan.

“Why did you do that?!” He shouted. “I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket, with the name ‘Suzy’ on it.” She answered.

“Jesus Christ, honey, remember that last week I went out with friends to hang out at the racing track?”

Susy was the name of the horse I was betting on.“ The woman was silent.

Three days later, as he read the newspaper again, his wife emerged from behind him and hit him again on his head with the frying pan.

“Why did you do that this time?!” He shouted. “I just wanted to let you know… your horse called.”