04/21/2019 from Daily Jokes
#12648
These 10 Easter jokes are perfect for sharing with friends and family over a cup of tea and a plate of hot cross buns. Just be sure to swallow before the punchline.
Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.
Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A. Eggs (X) marks the spot!
Q. How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A. Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken!
Q. Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!
Q. What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A. A receding hareline.
Q. What day does an egg hate the most?
A. Fry-days.
Q. Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like back stroke.
Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggsercise
04/20/2019 from Daily Jokes
#12644
A senior citizen was chatting with his 80-year-old buddy.
“So I hear you’re getting married?”
“Yep!”
“Do I know her?”
“Nope!”
“This woman, is she good looking?”
“Not really.”
“Is she a good cook?”
“Nah, she can’t cook too well.”
“Does she have lots of money?”
“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”
“Well, then, is she good in bed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”
“Because she can still drive!”
04/19/2019 from Daily Jokes
#12641
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
04/18/2019 from Daily Jokes
#12638
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days afterward, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc – ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”’
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.'”
04/17/2019 from Daily Jokes
#12635
A husband and wife go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child. They are well dressed and well spoken, and the social workers are quite impressed with them. However, when asked about their profession, the couple said that they run a circus.
Hearing that made the social workers raise an eyebrow. It didn’t sound so good to them, an environment with animals, that is moving all the time? Doubts were raised about their suitability as parents.
So the couple produce photos of their 55 foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a large and spotless nursery. The social workers are happy to see this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, child welfare, proper nutrition and exercise – all that a child requires.”
Their questions met with such excellent answers, the social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What ages were you looking to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as they fit in a cannon.”