Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

“Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.”

Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car stalls and stops by the side of the road.

The three engineers look at each other with bewilderment, wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer, not knowing much about mechanics, suggests, “Let’s strip down the electronics of the car and try to trace where a fault might have occurred.”

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about electronics, suggests, “Maybe the fuel has become emulsified and is causing a blockage somewhere in the system.”

The Microsoft engineer suggests, “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it will work.”

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God .”

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up with her head bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

Yesterday a friend called and asked if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent.

I wanted to be helpful to someone in such need.

I told her, let me check my account and l will call you right back.

Before I could double check, her sister calls and says, “Don’t give her any money because she’s lying.”

Her sister told me that she wants to use the $500 to get her boyfriend out of jail so they can be together for her birthday.

I thought about it for a minute, then decided to go ahead & give her the $500.

A few minutes ago, she called me from the local jail, crying about being arrested.

She started screaming, asking, “Why did I give her counterfeit money?!” I replied:

“So you & your man could be together for your birthday”

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”