Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention. Over 50,000 blondes attend.

The leader stands on a stage and says, “Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereotyped. We are here today to prove us blondes aren’t dumb! Now may I have a volunteer?”

A blonde steps onto the stage.

“What is ten divided by two?”

The volunteer replies, “Two.”

The leader is dismayed but the crowd cheers,”Another chance!”

A second volunteer is called up. Once again she asks the question and the blonde replies,”T-ten?”

The crowd shouts,”Another chance!”

The third volunteer is called up. After three minutes of thought, she correctly replies,”Five.”

The crowd shouts,”Another chance!”

A guy asked a girl in a university library:
“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice:
“I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said:
“I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded with a loud voice:
“$500 FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy
whispered in her ear:
“I study law, and I know how to screw people”

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.

We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do…” the man continued. “Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

Three nuns died in a car accident. They reached to the gates of heaven but the person who let’s people in said “so I know you are people of the cloth but I decided that I am not going to just let people in, I’m going to give you a test”.

So he goes to the youngest nun and says “who was the first man on earth”. Nun 1: “Adam” a hand reaches out and pulls her in.

He goes to the middle aged nun and says “who was the first woman on earth”. Nun 2: “Eve” a hand reaches out and pulls her in.

He goes to the oldest nun and says “since you are the eldest you are going to get a hard question, what were Eves first words to Adam?” Nun 3: “that is a hard one”. A hand reaches out and pulls her in.